The Exiled Gem

Not a Bit of Conceit

Alexandra was sure she was going to collapse. And never get up again. 

She stared at him, her mouth falling open, and her throat not working at all. 'Move away.' She told him, shaking her head. 'Stay away from me - I don't believe you - you are a liar. A coward, a cheat, a traitor!' She exclaimed, shaking. Kane stepped away, without a word. He perhaps knew - the moment he spoke, Alexandra was going to explode.

She felt numb - numb to everything. After the night's episode - even the information that everything was a test - a test - felt like another betrayal. She tried to get up, but her legs had turned to jelly. They staggered under her weight - the attempt went unsuccessful. She stumbled back to the ground. Kane started forward, as if to help her, but she raised a hand. 

'You STAY AWAY!' She screeched at him, finally getting up. 'You think I am toy?' She demanded, in the bitterest tone possible. 'One moment this - one moment that - I should believe you unquestioningly all the time? Trust is made! And I won't ever trust you again!' She scorned. Test? A test? This was torture, an indiscriminate infliction of pain. Both physical and mental. And she was still repelled - more than ever. A part of her, a very small part, was relieved. But it was pushed to the corner and quietened. Leaping flames of anger roared, devouring all other emotions and reasons. 

'Mabe-' Kane began, but she didn't let him complete. She strode forward and struck him eclectically on the stomach, with as much strength as she could muster. He momentarily lost balance and she used that to push him behind, pinning him against the wall.

Day was breaking outside, a thousand different birds were making a din. People had just begun to rise, a milkman went about his business, calling out in different tunes, luring them to buy his supplies - oblivious of what was going on in one of the houses. Some women were passing by to get water - chattering away as usual - having no idea that two spies had been at each other's throats the entire night. The night that they had peacefully slept through. The room around her lay in content disarray from the night's testing.

Alexandra pulled her knife from Kane's grip, pointing it at him. 'Is this the way-' she choked, unwanted tears filling up as her eyes brimmed over. She pushed them back stoutly, this was no time to weep. 'Is this the way to test?!' She demanded, her throat tearing into a hundred furious shrieks. 

'I know,' he said, gulping slightly and raising his hands up to his shoulders in a gesture of surrender. 'I know it is torturous. It is deplorable - but it is the life of a spy!' He pointed out, 'Do you think it was torture for you, alone? Imagine having to smack your friend, one who is four years your junior - when she is unarmed - is that not agony? Is that not punishment enough? What have I done to deserve that? And still - if you think I enjoyed it - if you think I wasn't feeling every bit of your pain - if you think I deserve it,' he stopped abruptly, as they stood neck to neck, panting. 'If you think I deserve it - the knife's in your hand. And I won't raise a finger to defend myself - and I'll make it easier for you. Go on.' He said, staring at Alexandra expressionlessly.

And she was angrier than ever, but as usual, Alexandra faltered. She couldn't raise her hand - no matter what. Her rage felt misplaced - Kane had got the worse side of it. If doing all of that hadn't been bad enough, he now also had to quench her rage. The Council had in fact used these spies as toys. And had she been a boy - had she been Watson - he could have told her to get out. But because she wasn't, because when it came to women, dignity was more fragile - he had to take the brunt of it. Of all of them, Kane Alden had got the shortest end of the stick. If she imagined, for just a single minute - switching places - putting herself in his shoes and walking around in them ...

He certainly didn't deserve any more torment. Moreover, now that the ordeal was over, it truly felt like a good test. An effective test - because now - she knew what not to do if caught, better than she would have from a hundred theory classes. It was a test with a confirmation: anybody who passed it, was a capable spy. Anybody who passed it, had learnt the subtle art of snooping. Kane had given a painfully real account. He was, in effect, the best teacher there could be. And once he taught something, she would never forget.