Do You ever feel like You belong nowhere? Like You are never a whole part of Something ...You are always in the middle , always get the half of everything. In Korea we have a saying : halfie . Sounds kinda cute right? Well is not. It's a curse. If You are a halfie in Korea You just don't belong to this place
And lucky for me i am a halfie . I AM half black for My father and half korean for My mom. It gives me a quite Unique look that some people Will think is attractive but here in the land of paleness it Will give You a real hard time. Comments about My skin being so dark is a given. Every day or so someone offer me a whitening product to fix My darkness. I fucking hate that , because is Something i can't fix myself . I can't skin myself out or pull a Michael Jackson and being White. I don't have the Money and frankly i just don't want to. They also make jokes about me being blind because my eyes are too small and i don't have the desired Double eyelids. But Guess what ? Almost noone has them either. ...at least not naturally . They just are so.fucking fake , in all the senses but to tell You You are ugly., man they are very bold and straight forward, no phony bussiness around that.
Anyway enough with the self pity , My name is max Minus or in korean Minyeong Min , yes i also have double names just to add more identity issues to the equation . The thing is i am 23 korean Age , i just finish high school and well My score is not high enough to go to a good university (or any , to be honest)
And the truth is i don't want it either. I don't know a Lot of things but i really know i like art especially music and yeah here is the corny part of My story...i want to become an Idol.....yes or at least i wanted. ... I have spent one year in this training centers (they should calle them torturing centers though) . And Guess what ? It was the same hell that high school was : for my coach and my mates i am too black, too bulky , too Big , not skinny enough (i am 6 ,2 and almost 100 pounds ,there are some days i only drunk water but ..hey ! Not enough yet.)
...it always the same shit different day, different people and different places But the problem is the same : i am never enough. ....and just when i started yo think this was real i snapped out of it and said : You know what? Fuck this. Is their problem is their fucked up minds and their fucked up society. I like who i am or at least i tried to..it's their problem not mine.
I am not a halfie. I am a whole Human being and i am worth it. But they are not worth of me ...so dropping on a plane to be in a less judgamental place seems like the Best call. I just got the Money i have saved for the Training and it is time to leave all this behind.
But well You would think that with all i have told You about My life how come i am so strong to just have just a sudden change of heart. ....well i am not...My selfsteem is in basement level still, i just got a letter for a cousin telling me that she moved to a writers Home and she let her stay for free....only payment being that she should share her stories with her so she can write about that. ...seems strange but at least is better than being a strange here . And the suckers in the trainee program only left me with enough Money for a plane ticket ...so yeah ...i think it is My call for a start over. I always think ...things can't be more fucked than now.... Or i just hope they wouldnt be...we 'll see.
YOU ARE READING
Time Out Episode 2: Max
Novela JuvenilMax story about the bullying in his childhood and different racism struggles in his Home country. (All drawings are made by me,don't copy or repost without consent)
