Confusion

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                                                      ASHLEYS POV

     After I had stopped sobing uncontrollably I was quiet but still shaking, I  don't know why it hurt so bad but it did.  "Ash?" CC asked softly, breaking my chain of thought. I looked at him letting him know to continue " Ash... I.. I.." CC tryed to speak looking at me then the night stand, then back at me again. All I could see was hurt, but it was a different look then when he held me in the shower or when he cradled me as I had a panic attack when he threw my blades away. It was a look of worry, like he was worried I'd get more hurt. "Not possible " I whispered under my breath as I went to grab my phone. "Wait I dont think.." but it was too late I had seen that Andy texted me.

I sat there, blankly staring at the message, then I opened it.

A~ Can we meet up and talk... please?.. I need to talk to you..

"He wants to see me.. and 'talk ' " I told CC using air quotations around 'talk' . " Should I?.."

" Yes, Andy could want to appoligize... I mean Jinxx left him in tears this morning.."

"Why would he be cying? I'm the one whos hurt.."

Afer CC had told me what happened between them this morning and how Andy seemed confused and completely unaware of me confessing my feelings something didn't feel right. I got ready pulling on some ripped up skinny jeans, a KISS t-shirt and my cowboy boots. After I put on the slightest bit of eyeliner and straightened my hair I was out the door and walking to Starbucks to meet Andy. I needed to be fixed, I was broken and dead inside and was wishing Andy would fix me., all t would take is his love.. STOP ASH. He's staright and not interested he made that clear.

I passed a liquor store and thought about how much I've been drinking lately. And how if I kept it up I'd be dead soon enough. Blackout binges every night, waking up not remembering where the hell I am or what I did. It was nice because I could foreget about the pain... but only until I woke up sober with a pounding in my head and an ache in my heart.

The time and distance seemed to speed pass me, when I finally looked to see where I was going instead of starring as my feet as I walked I was actually a couple buildigs past Starbucks. I turned around, went inside, and ordered my coffee then sat in the corner booth waiting for what was to come, Andy and what ever it was he had to say in person.. I think the not knowing was the scarriest part.

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