I'm "That" girl

chapter six

My hands were literally shaking in my lap as we drove.

It was quiet but nice. But then I realised...

Where were we going?

I tapped my fingers against my phone. I wanted to ask him but I didn't want to seem.. rude or annoying. 

Then he spoke.

"Do you like the beach?" 

I was so relieved. Is that where we were going to go?

"Yes. I love the beach." I reply. 

I look at him and he smiles as he drives. I didn't notice at first but then I realised  I was smiling just looking at him. 

I liked looking at him. I liked his smile. Oh and them dimples he gets when he smiles? I fucking love them too.

Before I knew it, I smelt salt water and I heard the sound of waves crashing. My senses were overwhelmed. God I love the beach.

He turned and smiled at me. I smiled back. We both got out the car and I looked out the sunset was still there and it was beautiful. But it was just on dark and I was hungry...

"Wanna grab some hot chips before we go there?" He asks.

I turned and saw a fish and chip shop across the road. I looked at him and smiled and nodded. He walked around to me and held my back and looked either side for cars. 

it felt good having someone protecting me.

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We ordered 3 pounds worth of chips and sat at one of the tables and waited. 

We talked. Mostly about the beautiful sunset infront of us. And Harry is so deep. He is such a kind, loving guy. It made me like him even more.

Wait, like him? No. I don't like him. I just THINK I like him, because he's nice to me.

Alright Emily just stop thinking because you are making yourself confused.

Soon our number was called out and Harry paid. I offered but he was so determinded to and insisted, so I let him. I didn't want to seem annoying. 

We walked to the beach and the sunset was now gone. It still wasn't that dark though. The moon was shining through the clouds and I loved it so much. It made me feel so peaceful. 

It made the world seem peaceful.

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Everything was going perfect. Me and Harry sat on the sand and both took our shoes off to let the sand go inbetween our toes. The chips were nice too and it was just great. I loved hanging out with him and I hope with becomes a daily thing.

We were currently talking about embarrassing things that happened to us in the past. And gosh, I was dying.

"Your pants fell down infront of her whole family?" I say inbetween chuckles. 

Harry was laughing hard. and I loved it. His smile is so beautiful and his laugh is so cute and I just can't even.

"Y-yes. It was so embarrassing. That was probably one of the reasons she broke up with me." he says, not caring about the fact he got dumped.

We both just laughed and laughed. He told me about another time how he accidently drank cranberry juice, which he hates, instead of coca cola. And I told him about how when I was little, I was wearing a skirt and ran past a big group of year 7's and it came undone and fell to my ankles.

Then our conversation lead to something else.

Harry was just looking at me, with a little bit of a smile on his face.

"What are some other things about you, Emily Louise?" 

I just giggled. I told him my full name and now he won't stop using it.

"Um, I'm not sure. What do you want to know?"

he stared at me for a second.

"Everything."

I was kind of shocked. Everything? Wow. 

"Um." I say, thinking hard.

"I honestly can't think." I say truthfully, "But you can ask me some if you want." I say.

he smiles.

"Do you have any talents?" he asks.

I thought. And honestly? I didn't. I can't sing. I can't dance. I'm not good at sports. or art. I can't sing, I can't do anything!

"Honestly. None that I can think of." I say.

"I don't think so. I think you have one but you haven't discovered it yet."

I just smiled. He is so sweet and gentle and I just want to run my thumb across his cheek.

"What are you afraid of?" He suddenly asks.

I looked at the ground and bit my lip.

"Abandonment." I say, still looking at my feet.

"Abandonment?" He asks.

I look up and he looks so curious and his brows are frowned a little. He's confused, or worried. Ugh, I don't know.

"I'm afraid of abandonment because I'm scared that when I find someone..." then I stop in my tracks and look up at Harry, he is staring at me deeply and I look out at the water. 

"I have a fear of abandonment because we all screw things up. I screw things up. Especially with people I love. I get needy, I get moody, I get distant, I want to be close, and I get confused. I don't understand all of it, but I keep pushing because I hope this thing, this universe doesn't ever let me get abandoned because the fear of being alone is just terrifying." 

Even I was taken back by what just came out of my mouth. But I guess it was just... the truth. I looked at Harry and he looked, speechless. His eyes were full of curiousness and his expression was so confusing. I didn't know what he was thinking, but I wanted to. 

"Wow. Emily. I- wow." he finally says quietly.

"I'm sorry. I just..." 

but he interrupted me.

"Don't be sorry. That's true. So fucking true. I agree with you 100%." 

I just looked at him. And looked at him. Our eye contact lasted for ever.

Then he broke the silence.

"Emily, have you ever been in love?"

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And thats end of chapter six ;) 

-Emily