The Wedgie Cop

The Initiation P.1

It's a cloudy, humid day. I see the blue pickup truck pull up outside my apartment, next to the sidewalk where I'm waiting, backpack in hand. A window rolls down, revealing a cocky Sean in sunglasses. "You ready?" We break into grins. "Get in." "Shotgun!" I yell out joyously. "You sure? Last time didn't work out so well for you." "True." I climb into the front seat anyway.

"So, we heading out to get tested now?" I ask, as we get on the highway. "We gotta pick up Jake first, you guys will be initiated together." He says, handing me a pair of my own sunglasses to match his. "Damn, these are smooth." I say, inspecting the shiny frames. "Yeah, well you're traveling with me, and I've got a reputation to uphold." He jokingly breaks down in sobs. "I can't believe it! My very own wedgie boy off to get tested in the real world!" I roll my eyes and punch his arm lightly. He takes his right hand off the wheel and curls it around my neck, shoving my head against his in a suffocating headlock. "I mean, I got to give some credit to myself, you were a scrawny mess who didn't know a football team from a herd of cows. I gotta be honest, when I first met you with those skinny little chicken arms, bawling your eyes out over nothing I really thought there wasn't any hope. You should be paying me-"   "Shut up! You're driving let me go!" I laugh, because he's funny. "And don't mess up my hair, I groomed it perfectly for today."  "Oh yeah, you wouldn't want your hair to look untidy when your instructor's done dunking it in the toilet. What kind of impression would you make?" He continues mockingly. We pull up in front of Jake's apartment, and he gets in the back. Turns out, he's a complete mess. "I wasn't sure what to wear, or bring, so I changed for a while, and finally decided on cargo pants and a windbreaker, but then the mayonnaise sandwich in my bag leaked so I had to change and-" Sean clasped a hand on Jake's flannel sweater, silencing him. "You're. Gonna. Be. Fine." And we drive off to the testing site.

Once we circle up outside the car, in front of a big imposing business building, we take a deep breath. "This is the testing site? There are people everywhere how do they not notice this?" "Oh come on, which do you think would draw more attention, a warehouse in the middle of the woods, or a tall building that represents a credible business in the middle of the city." I take a look around me. Jake's wearing a flannel jacket, and jeans. Me, a form fitting Polo and basketball shorts. Sean looked very out of place in his full-on business suit, but now that we're here I get it. Sean checks his very expensive watch. "Alright, we've still got another half-hour, looks like we have time for some fun before your main event." Jake and I both turn white. He breaks out laughing at our faces. "I'm kidding,  they don't allow us to mess with you for 24 hours before your trials. Let's go in." Once we enter inside, one of the doormen seems to recognize Sean, and guides us to an elevator. Once the doors close, we just stand there. "Aren't you gonna choose a floor?" I ask, because between the three of us it's cramped." he simply lifts up his tie to a small camera on the panel, that scans the inside. I expect for us to go to some secret underground, but instead, the wall behind us opens up into virtually a patient waiting room lined with red and gold. No, a little more tense. Like an airport terminal at 3am in the morning. Subtle. We go up to the front desk, where a young man sits. "I'm Sean King, here to check Interim Subs Daniel Skyes, and Jake Eldridge for their official appraisal today." He merely looks up. "Identification?" He asks. Sean hands him two printed out photographs. I wince, when I see they're of me and Jake from a previous, embarrassing encounter. "Put these on." He hands us each a pair of briefs, with our names sewn on the label. "I'll call you when your examiner's ready. You can come with them up until the Entrance Room." He says to Sean, who nods. Jake and I change behind the designated curtains. Upon seing us, the man clears his throat. "All. Of your clothes." A bit more hesitant, Jake and I strip off our shirt, pants, and shoes leaving us just in our tailored briefs. We leave to do our physical component, which just consists of treadmill run, push-ups, pull-ups, and measurements of our height and weight. We both excel at that. By the time we're done, our bodies are slick with sweat, and we quickly wipe ourselves down as we go back to the waiting room. When Sean sees us, he starts his pep talk. "Ok, you guys got this. All you need to do is hold out against the pain for as long as you can, and you'll get a high rating. Danny as long as you get an 8 or higher, I can keep you as a wedgie slave. Jake, I have arrangements with a friend who can take you if you score a 5 or higher. You two definitely passed your physicals easily, so it's all a matter of gritting your teeth, and getting through this." He looks very matter-of-fact, but he lets just a little bit of nervous into his voice. The man at the desk calls us up. "Danny Skyes? Your examiner is ready for you." Sean and I walk through the door. I'm shaking head to toe, and it has nothing to do with the cold.