𝐚𝐨𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐬 | 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬

traitor - EreMika

A/N: THIS CHAPTER HAS AN AUDIO/VA! Please give it a listen by visiting SoundCloud under my same username. (Wattpad is crusty and won't let me submit a link :( The title is the same as the fanfic, only 3:30 mins. Thank you so much!
—
based upon the song by olivia rodrigo

Contains MAJOR Spoilers from manga chapters 138-9

You had never told me that you loved me. But I never told you it was something that I wanted to hear.

The signs were obvious maybe. I don't know, and frankly I don't give a damn that you didn't notice way back when. On Paradis Island, that shit didn't matter, because we could have lost our lives minutes after we confessed.

Even so, it hurt like hell when you threw Armin on the table ,that one day that feels like forever ago. It hurt when you punched him in front of your posse, like the years we spent together meant nothing. It killed me a little bit when you told me to my face that I meant nothing to you, and never had.

So now, I remember everything that you said to me in that dream that could never come true. I feel responsible for that hurt. I feel as if I never mattered, because it took you your entire lifetime to tell me that I really did.

Your face is different now.

Your hair is longer, and somehow you look older. You are older, of course. But somehow you look to be several more years my senior, who is wiser, and a planner beyond even those years. You are not the same boy that I used to know back in Shiganshina. Nothing like the boy I used to know.

I don't want to hurt you. Hurting you brings me pain too, do you know that? I guess that it's something inevitable when we've spent so much time together. But how can I just stand here, in the depths of a titan, when your head lies bare in front of me?

How can I look at the face of my friend, my comrade, my cadet, and my lover, when he is also the face of a murderer? Someone who recklessly killed thousands over broken reasons of revenge that we could not share. Though we are the Eldians, when you struck Marley, they became the victims. You became too focused on the possibilities of violence, and look at where it got us. You were too reckless. Look at the world right now, covered in blood and death because of the kiss of a titan.

But I love you. How could I forget what you have done for me? You wrapped that scarf around me that day that was so long ago, and I have never forgotten the kindness that showed from your heart. The kindness that I know is still there. How could I forget it all? When I remember everything that you knew would happen, all when you met with Armin that day at the sea?

If only love was the stitch that mended a broken world.

I slashed my blade. A tear ran down my cheek.

Blood didn't spill like I thought it would in the end, but I've severed the neck and your head is in my arms.

Your eyes are still open and I have my last sight of the emerald in your eyes— the one thing that stayed with you even as we left the island. Something you never stole.

My lips met yours.

God, I wish that you had thought this through, before I went and fell in love with you.

To the boy who sought freedom, goodbye.