An Akeshu/Shuake Collection

Blooded Hands

TW: SUICIDE, BLOOD

SPOILER WARNING FOR PERSONA 5/PERSONA 5 ROYAL

[you have no idea how much this pained my heart when I wrote this. how sad thinking about him made me feel.]

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Context: (-2𝙰𝙼-) 𝙰 𝚛𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚢 𝚍𝚊𝚢. 𝙰𝚔𝚎𝚌𝚑𝚒 𝚑𝚊𝚜 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚕𝚎𝚏𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚑𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚍 𝚖𝚞𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚍 𝚁𝚎𝚗. 𝙾𝚗 𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚠𝚊𝚢 𝚝𝚘 𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚊𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝, 𝚑𝚎 𝚔𝚗𝚎𝚎𝚕𝚜 𝚍𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚙𝚊𝚟𝚎𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝, 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚑𝚎 𝚍𝚒𝚍, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚑𝚘𝚠 𝚑𝚎 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕𝚜.

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"I'm alone. I always feel alone, in this small competitive world. Freedom, peace, happiness, warmth; these were all feelings that I haven't felt in years. All I feel now is anger. Hatred. Jealousy. Sadness. Anxiety. Why, oh God, why was I the one fated to experience this? Why did I have to be born into a life of murder, and treason, and deception, and pain, and suffering-" he grieved, as he lay, curled up on the cold stone floor, his shirt drenched with rainwater, and blood. A lot of blood. "Will not even great God's oceans wash this blood from my hands?" He was weeping, constantly looking at his ink-black gloves, covered in blotches of dirty carmine. He shivered. He was shaking.

"I've murdered before, but why is his death affecting me so much? Yes, I've cried and I've cried and I've cried, but never like this before. Why? What has he done to me? No, what have I done to him? What have I done? What have I done?" he repeated over and over again, screaming and crying. He clutched his head with his bare hands, trying to rip his hair out. The gloves had been thrown over the bridge, making the river beneath it change colour slightly. He saw his reflection in the rain puddle next to him, mirroring his tears, his yells, his sorrow, his pain.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." he recurred, with his hands still grabbing his hair. "I want to die. I just want to shoot myself with my own gun and be done with it. Whatever I do, I won't be able to die with a clear conscience. So I just want to leave this world and be done with it. And be done with everything. With all this pain that's consumed me. But I can't die. I don't have the strength. I'm too weak. I can't even kill myself. I'm just a lowly coward. Yet I deserve to die."

"Ren, I won't be seeing you in the holy heights of heaven. Because I'll be going the other way. I'll be spending my afterlife in torment, pain, and agony. In Satan's palace, as you sit among angels."