hmmmmmm

just felt like sharing this

This one day I was talking to someone and I just realised how a small compliment makes someone feel so better. And I know how it feels when you just want someone to compliment you but the person says something totally opposite.

When I was a teenager, I went through severe body degradation. I degraded my body to the point where I myself didn't realise that I am doing something bad to myself. I have gone through body shaming for the majority of my teenage life. I have seen people laugh at me, my body, my personality, my choices and whatnot. 

And honestly, it wasn't the nicest phase in my life. I remember hating dressing up(that part of me is still there but it doesn't dominate me anymore) and just going out in general. I guess at those times I badly wanted someone to come and tell me " you are beautiful" "you are pretty" and whatnot. But no one did, all they said was the opposite. And honestly, it hurts. I never looked at myself in the mirror, hated it when people looked at me because all I thought was they are judging me which was not always the case. I always thought that everyone apart from me is perfect and I am just a pathetic person sitting somewhere doing nothing and sometimes I thought that maybe I deserve all these shitty comments made on me. BUT NO ONE DESERVES THAT SHIT. NO ONE.

I cried my eyes out almost on a daily basis at a point, my eyes always swollen, red and I felt tired from my own self but after a while when I fully got introduced to the concept and process of 'loving yourself' it started getting better. I guess after a while when I started discovering myself, I felt nice, I felt accepted and loved. It was a long, sometimes frustrating process but eventually, I achieved it. I started looking at myself in the mirror. Instead of saying the words "you are pathetic" "you are ugly" in my brain which at a point I said to myself on a daily basis my brain instead started saying"you are pretty" "you are not pathetic".

It felt so good. It felt like discovering a feeling unknown to me, something I was badly deprived of.

I know how it feels when you are disgusted with yourself but trust me you don't deserve such thoughts, such treatment from others. I was reading this really good book the other day and it said

"sometimes you feel like disappearing, but in reality, all you want is to be found" 

and I literally cried reading this(i am a little emotional lol) because this is exactly how I felt.

All I wanna say is, whoever is reading this, please don't degrade yourself, harm yourself or do anything negative to yourself. Love yourself, accept yourself, life is so much better this way. And to the people who make you feel shitty just bonk them from your life or if you have a chance then might as well as bonk them on the head. 

Idk I just felt like sharing this, I literally cried writing this because it's a sensitive topic for me and the worst phase of my life but at the same time felt like letting it all out.