Star Academy: Will I get my freedom? (hiatus)

18

"I'll send you back to the dorm...I'll have to inform dad. I'll ask him whether we can go to the outside world for a while..." Ian said as his grip on my hand tightened.

"Mm, thanks."

His pupils are trembling...I guess it's a given. His mother died from this disease and now his twin is going to too. There's no cure for this...

"I've already lost you once...twins are suppose to stay together." His voice...it's hoarse.

I've never believed in the twin thingy that I've read in novels or manga...but after meeting Ian...I guess it wasn't all lies. It's funny how we can tell what the other is thinking even though we've just met a few months ago, it feels like we've known each other for years...and somehow, grew attached to each other.

"That's right...maybe it would've been better if you've never met me at all." I smiled weakly at him.

That way, you wouldn't be having such a pained expression on your face. People can't lose what they didn't have.

"Don't say nonsense...I'll ask father if there is an ability with healing properties...maybe it'll help you." He averted his gaze. His tears are still trickling down his cheeks.

"There's only one and you know it...but he can only heal physical injuries. There's a girl with the ability to heal plants but none with the ability to cure a fatal brain disorder...well maybe in the future but as of now, there's no one." 

I don't want him to have false hope, expectation kills after all. I will die and that's a solid fact. If this was years ago, I would've been more nonchalant about this...I have no attachment to this world back then...but now...I should've never met them...if that was the case, I wouldn't be clinging onto life so miserably. 

"You don't know-"

"I do. I've looked through the list...and if there was one...those in lab coats would've asked them to heal me. I am their SSR-rated lab rat after all." I let out a dry chuckle. "But maybe there's someone who can delay my death."

"...really? There is?!"

"No, I'm just saying. Even if my death is delayed...the symptoms will still show. And I don't think it's bearable is it?" I glanced at him from the side of my eyes. "....how should I tell them? Hey, help me keep it a secret." 

"No." His rejection is firm.

"...let's go to the central for some pudding, hmm?" I turned around only to be grabbed by Ian.

"If it's hard for you, I'll tell. There's no way it'll be a secret...you didn't plan to tell me in the first place, didn't you? If I didn't wait for you today and you didn't ask about mom's symptoms...you would've kept it a secret from everyone. Thank god I'm not an idiot." His eyes narrowed...

Upon hearing his words, I flinched a little. Having a twin is a bit of a disadvantage sometimes...

"It's not like that...I planned on telling you." I coaxed.

"Liar." His grip tightened on my wrist 

"Let's not go back to the dorm, hmm? My beloved brother, my other half, onii-chan, oppa...come on reply me. Iaannnn~ I really don't want to go back." I whined, this always worked.

Why is his grip so strong?! I don't want to see them...I don't want to...see their reaction. I'll feel less guilty if I don't see...them.

"...Bella." His tone...he's angry...I guess...it's not working today.

"...fine. You win." I obediently followed him, no longer trying to break away from his grasp.

Aren't you getting more and more obedient?

Shut it...oh right...btw we're going to die. 

I know.

I thought you were sleeping. You're quite despite being awake just now.

You were crying. You don't cry. I was curious. So, what's the plan, kill everyone? That way we'll all go to hell...no partings. Great idea?

You're as crazy as usual. I'm never letting you out. 

It's been months since you let me out. And it's not even voluntarily, I had to squeeze out when that girl pissed you off, but then you shut me in again. Why are you so petty?

Because you'll kill everyone if I let you out. I mean, I appreciate you killing that man's subordinate when we were young and all but I can't let you out now.

That reminds me, I was created when your doggy died...hmm it's been a long time. Time flies...you were so easy to trick back then...you let me out whenever I whined.

"Bella?" The voice snapped me out from the conversation in my mind.

Lucious? Why must he be the first one I see...I subconsciously averted my eyes. My first crush...maybe I should confess soon? It's try and die or not try and die...

"We're...here." I mumbled to myself...taking a deep breath.

"Did something happen? Both of your eyes are red...what happened?" Andre asked taking his eyes off of his book as Sunbae's pen stopped writing.

"...not something good?" I hummed, shit I really want to escape. If it weren't for Ian grabbing my wrist, I would've ran straight to my room.

"Sister...what's wrong?" Liam asked as his brows furrowed.

"I also wonder what happened." I bit my lips and answered. Being the center of attention during a time like this isn't exactly comfortable...

"Bella." This warning tone made me swallow my saliva, almost choking on it.

"Ian." I returned in the same tone. How am I suppose to bring that topic up so casually?

"...does it have something to do with your insomnia?" Hibiki's question made my heartbeat accelerate. He...is too perceptive sometimes.

"...yes." I admitted, lowering my gaze. I can't stop my hands from fidgeting...this isn't like me at all.

So you know that you've changed?

Don't laugh...go to sleep. Stop bothering me.

So cold.

"...fatal familial insomnia. I-I...think I'm going to die soon." I hesitantly force out with a cheery voice. "1 year is the limit, kind of?"

They're silent...the atmosphere instantly turned gloomy. I can hear Sunbae dropping his pen...and Lucious dropping his cup.

"It's not like I'm dying tomorrow right? Hahaha..." I joked trying to lighten up the mood.

Why is nobody replying me? I'm too scared to look at them...but I can feel their gazes on me. 

"...hey, someone has to take care of Yohan alright? When I'm gone...and" I kept on rambling some nonsense out of the pressure. 

I'll just look at them...ah...it's worse than I imagined...they look so...miserable...and shocked...and it's my fault. I...can't bear this...

"This is why I didn't want to tell...anyone." I let out a dry chuckle.

Fuck life. I feel my nose going sour as tears threatened to fall out...I feel my throat going dry...

"Hey smile, don't make me cry again."