I let them fade. I start spending time alone. Im painting again and i start writing bc im feeling like in a dream.. again, dissociating and thinking about life getting thinner but lighter when you dont think. Weird that im just thinking at this all the time. I keep saying i receive what this life have for me but im feeling like its nothing now. Everything its going through me but its better anyways- not felling. I become neutral even if i wanna be something even im loseing myself; i know she is there and felling nothing, its better. Nothing lasts. Sometimes im thinking how it was if i wasnt there. And not existing it is quite the same.
When i am with somebody im better. I dont know actually if im miming or its real, i just cant be me. I really lost myself, and now i let myself fade.
