Little kids

Chapter I

We all know that when we were kids, we had fun, didn't have to worry about anything, life was easy and all we wanted to do was to grow up, but little did we know, when we grew, life was going to be full of sh*t.
Yep I said it, and to be honest, I'm not even lying, THAT my friend, right there, is just true.

I'll admit it, I was ONE of those kids, the ones that only wanted to grow up, to be an adult, that their life was full of "pink, roses, fairytales, perfume, princess, and everything you could think that has to do with pink"

God, I've changed, and a lot, when I was a little kid, everything I could think of was my future and now everything I can think of is  if I will be able to step out of my bed, you know, wake up another day, not give up, put a fake smile and say "I'm ok"

But It's hard. To lie to their faces. And act like everything is ok. I can't do it anymore. I just I can't

Sometimes all I can think of is what my life would be like if I was still my past version, you know, the little kid version.

Nowadays It's so hard to think about life,my future, the tomorrow, I just- I can't bare waking up and just hearing "you can't do anything right", "You gotta fix yourself", it's just so hard to hear those words, because I'm trying, I'm trying to hard to not give up, to step out of my bed, to not end it all.

It's hard to be what people want me to be "perfect". People just think I can be perfect, well sometimes all I want to do is scream at their faces and tell them "IM TRYING,BUT I CANT BE PERFECT, HOW ABOUT YOU TRY IT HM, didn't think so huh"

They just don't know what it feels like, having the whole world telling you what to do, "wash your face, take a bath, do your room, brush your teeth, dress like a lady" They just think I'm not even trying, but it's hard living with the world telling you what to do, every day, every hour, every second.

Most of the time I think I just fucked up and that I have the fault, that everything is my fault but I didn't fuck up, people FUCKED ME up.

You know what's the worst part of it all, it's when people judge something you think it's at least ok, when they judge a part of your body  you thought was "ok" but they still say oh your lips are too small, your forehead is too big, your nose is too wide, your eyes are too little, you're legs are disgusting"

Thanks I just gained a new insecurity.

But keep in mind, people  WILL ALWAYS judge you, if you are too skinny they will say "eat more" if you are too fat they will say "stop eating". You can't ever be good "enough for them"
And then people come up to you, saying "I know what you are going through, just have positivity"
No, you don't know what I'm going through, you don't how hard MY life is. You've only heard one piece of it,a little trailer of it, and even if you Watch the whole movie, the whole season of it, you wouldn't understand, because you ARENT ME. YOU WILL NEVER BE ME. AND YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND ME.NEITHER MY LIFE.