⚠️MUGEN TRAIN SPOILERS
⚠️SELF HARM
⚠️MENTIONS OF SUICIDE
read at your own risk!
3rd person pov
it's only been three weeks. three weeks since the mission to the mugen train, three weeks since the battle with akaza, three weeks since rengoku's death, three weeks since the battle with enmu.
enmu, the sleep demon who would put humans—specifically, on that mission, inosuke, nezuko, rengoku, tanjiro, and zenitsu—to sleep and had his little minions kill them from their dreams.
dreams. what a weird thing to think about, really. something that's been on tanjiro's mind for three weeks. every single day, tanjiro woke up but convinced himself that he didn't.
a consistent pattern, enmu had messed him up and he didn't know if he could ever go back to normal. nothing felt real anymore, and he was only ever reminded that he wasn't in a dream by one person, one boy, one boar-masked, angry, determined boy that cared an unfathomable amount for tanjiro.
inosuke hashibira, upon the sight of him, grounded tanjiro. it made things feel real, brighter, happier. it made him forget about the hurt and pain for a little bit, and put him to blissful peace.
he knew this feeling, he was falling hard for his best friend. he didn't particularly have a problem with it, he'd always known he was gay, he just... didn't know if it was real. if any of it was real.
on at least three occasions, inosuke, shinobu or zenitsu had found tanjiro almost slicing his head off using his sword. the three boys, plus nezuko, were staying at the butterfly mansion for a recovery period. on those days, where tanjiro almost killed himself having been convinced by his mind he was in one of enmu's illusions, he was saved. one day by each person, besides inosuke. the boy saved him not twice, but three times.
and each time grounded tanjiro more than the last. inosuke truly was a work of art to the maroon-haired male, he was everything he ever needed, and more. sometimes he would see the black-haired boy training, and the sweat glistening on his chest as his scarred hands worked vigorously with his sword brought tanjiro to earth. it reminded him that yes, inosuke was real. tanjiro was okay, inosuke was okay, everyone was okay. and tanjiro was in love.
he wanted to spend his life with inosuke. his main worry was inosuke finding him helpless, uninterested in someone weak. but the issue there was tanjiro didn't believe he was weak nor helpless. scratch that; he knew he wasn't. so why was he worrying?
because on the most recent night of his attempt to get out of the illusion, it began. he broke a bowl on accident in the room of his residence in the butterfly mansion, and the helpers there were quick to clean it up. however, they left a piece.
it was the edge of the circle, a jagged edge on everywhere you looked. tanjiro had been overcome with curiosity, and the need to have something to remind him this was real. and so began the pattern, every night, to ground himself back to reality, he inflicted pain anywhere he felt he needed it. from his wrists, sometimes his legs, commonly his abdomen, even his shoulders sometimes.
he needed pain as a reminder that not only is this real, but he should have died back there with kyojuro. what was he useful for sitting, recovering mentally and physically at the butterfly mansion? none. he felt useless, so why had it not been his time?
thoughts such as those are the ones that kept him harming himself, in need for the validation he was real and okay, as were the others. and so he didn't stop.
two weeks. it had been two weeks since tanjiro began harming himself, two weeks of zenitsu, nezuko, inosuke, and the others being clueless to his actions. two weeks since his last attempt at escape from the reality he thought was to be illusion.
those two weeks ended swiftly, on one stressful night. smoke rafted through the mansion, the smell of a beautiful dinner being prepared enough to make tanjiro sick to his stomach. not only did the sight of his own blood, himself being the reason he's seeing it, make him lose his appetite, but the fact that the others were awaiting giddily for their meal to end a good day filled him with guilt as he cut deeper.
he was drowning in his thoughts of self-pity when the two weeks vanished in a snap. none other than inosuke came barreling through his door, alone, excited to inform 'koonapako' as he called him, that the food was ready. he was only to be met to the sight of tanjiro's slitted abdomen and wrists, having been stripped of his top.
tanjiro dropped the broken piece of the bowl out of pure fright and panic, trying fruitlessly to cover up his blood as inosuke froze where he was, taking in the scene before him. tanjiro could visibly see the gears turning in the other's head, processing the sight and putting the pieces together.
he stepped away, disappearing just to reappear moments later holding something that made tanjiro have to choke back a sob. inosuke held a small plate, with two dumplings and a small rice ball, as well as a fairly sized emergency aid kit.
tanjiro covered his mouth with the back of his hand, beyond touched by the gesture. inosuke shut the door behind him, his eyes on the ground as he approached tanjiro. the black-and-blue-haired boy set down the small plate of food on tanjiro's lap, holding out his hands as a request to have the boy's arms.
tanjiro reluctantly showed his vulnerability after a moment's hesitation, anything but comforted seeing inosuke so serious and quiet. he almost had a heart attack when he heard a small mumble from the boy who had already started cleaning and bandaging the cuts on his abdomen, wrists, and even legs too, that he'd spotted.
"what- what?" tanjiro asked, repeating himself as he spoke too quietly the first time. inosuke scoffed, shaking his head as he finished wrapping tanjiro's left wrist and shoulder and abdomen, starting on his right arm.
"i said you're a dumbass. why didn't you come talk to me?"
in this moment, tanjiro felt nothing but a sense of bliss some would seem sick given the circumstance. but the dull throb of the cuts that would stay lonesome from this point on, the sight and sound of a concerned inosuke caring so much to the point of bringing a bit of food and wrapping his injuries. the sight of inosuke alone, as well.
he felt so... real. like everything was suddenly okay, enmu never happened, the dreams were just that. dreams. the illusions never happened, tanjiro felt grounded beyond words themselves, and he had a feeling he'd never be gone again.
"i love you."
tanjiro's stomach dropped for a moment at the confession that slipped out, but he took a breath and calmed down—his worries were minuscule and irrelevant. he smiled fondly as inosuke's hands stuttered finishing up the gauze, choking on air and face flushing.
"i- shut up, dumbass." he said, cutting himself off. however, contradictory to his words, as the boy moved to wrap up tanjiro's legs, he rested his forehead on his knee and gave it a little kiss. that was confession enough, and the mutual agreement between the two fluttered as the birds of love thrived.
tanjiro leaned down, kissing the top of inosuke's head. in no way would inosuke admit it, but a lovesick grin found itself cursing his features.
i literally cant write angst without it ending in adorable fluff anyway here have the SECOND CHAPTER TONIGHT FHSBUFBD lucky bastards new one tmrw <33
