Of Shields & Trees [BxB]

01 | The School Shrink | Hard-Core

WARNING: This chapter may contain some triggers, connected with child abuse and neglect, BUT... I wrote a soft-core version of it, omitting these elements so feel free to jump to the next chapter if you're faint of heart.

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I've never thought that I would reach this point. Sitting in front of the school shrink, feeling like a fish out of water. And yet, here I was. Talking about my family of all things.

"It's not that bad," I said, trying to convince myself more than the middle-aged man, taking a drag out of his cigarette. Yes, he smoked in front of a student. In his defence, he asked if it would be ok first.

"On the weekends he's actually quite chill. He doesn't drink. Just watches TV all day with my mother. They don't even pay any attention to me. It's when he gets home after work that things escalate," I kept pouring my heart out.

The shrink looked at me calmly, not even at all bothered that I just shared with him how my father was beating the shit out of me every night. When I wasn't smart enough to get out of his sight that is.

"I don't even know why Mr. Andonov sent me here. It's just a little bruise. It will heal," I referred to the blue mark on my right arm, conveniently omitting to mention the others I was sporting under my ribcage and shoulder blades. After all, my father didn't hit me hard enough to cause permanent damage. Only enough to let the steam off. He was having a hard time at work. If my boss was treating me like his personal slave I would be agitated too. Probably not take it out on my own child but still...

"He's worried about you," the shrink spoke, referring to my teacher. "As far as I understand, this is not the first bruise he notices on you."

"I'm a boy. I can handle getting a little roughed up from time to time," I repeated my father's words like a parrot.

The shrink leaned forward in his chair and put the cigarette out. "That's the thing," he said, gazing into my eyes. "You don't HAVE to put up with it. It is NOT ok to harm a child! Especially just because he was frustrated at work. Honestly, with your family situation, I'm surprised you still manage to keep your grades up. Or... Have you had intrusive thoughts?"

"What do you mean?" I asked perplexed.

"Have you felt... depressed? Or angrier than usual? It's ok to be angry at someone that's hurting you."

"Uhm, no?"

The truth was, I was indeed angry at my father. For venting his frustration out on me. And at my mother. For not even bothering to check if I have something to eat. I've been preparing my own food since I was nine. Sandwiches mostly. I didn't know how to make anything else. No one taught me how to cook, or run the washing machine. I had to educate myself on the internet for close to about anything.

"Are you sure there isn't anything you want to share?" The shrink asked. "It might not be related to your parents. Anything else that is troubling you? I'm here to listen."

"I would like to get back in class, if you don't mind," I said, getting tired of all this. Other children in my spot I guess would be thrilled that they wouldn't have to stay in class, but I wasn't like this. I wanted to learn, to cultivate new knowledge, to develop new skills. And my French wasn't as good as to allow myself skipping class. Even if I was authorised to do so.

"Ok..." The shrink said, leaning back in his leather chair. "You may leave. But call me if you need anything, ok? My door is always open."

I was sure this was the phrase he said to all students that came here, and he wasn't particularly thrilled about listening to some kid's problems, but I nodded anyway, saying a timid "Ok" before I bolted out of the door.