Love or Lust • Michael Langdon •

chapter six

Somewhere in the back of my mind i'd hoped that i would have awoken in the arms of Mr.Langdon, having his hands brush up and down my side, his long, silk like hair stuck to my neck from the heat created between us from our overnight embrace.

However, when i woke up i was shockingly freezing, my own arms wrapped around my torso searching for some sort of comfort, something i'd been completely denied of since the fall of the nuclear bombs. The survivors here were undeniably skittish and suspicious of everything and everybody, I myself included. At lunch we mostly sat around in silence and that silence was usually only broken by Ms.Venable berating somebody for completely natural behaviour or Coco complaining about the gelatine cube on the plate before her. By this point, though, she more or less complained out of the schedule of it. Maybe she saw that small complaint as the only normalcy in her day to day routine, her voice being the only thing she had control over. Or maybe I was completely overanalysing Coco and giving her too much depth in my own mind- she could very likely just be so entitled that she decided complaining at every given opportunity was the easiest solution to her boredom.

I didn't spend much time dwelling on the past, if I tried to remember my life before the bombs my head would pound and my heart would race, it felt although my ribs were crushing in on me, begging me to not remember. Maybe it was ptsd, maybe my brain didn't want me to remember my life before so I wouldn't miss it too much. Something deep inside of myself told me that now was not the time and that I just wasn't supposed to remember yet, but I yearned to be able to reminisce on the people that were important to me, what my bedroom may have looked like, the college id went to and all of the incredible experiences I'd had; what I was yet to still experience.

I got up from Mr.Langdon's bed, remembering then that he'd asked me to call him by his first name as I quickly looked across the room to see if he was still here. Michael. Michael Langdon. What a pretty name, "a pretty name for a pretty boy" I thought and then quickly condemned the thought; he's here to decide whether I'm worthy of living or staying here to rot and die. Why he asked me to stay in his bed with him I wasn't sure, but I trusted that everything would become clear soon enough. I'd rather he have some weird obsession or fixation on me than to ignore me and leave me to die here and maybe it would work out in my favour to play up on it.

Walking quickly across the hallways hoping not to bump into anybody as hurried back to my own bedroom I heard shouting from downstairs, it sounded like Mr.Langdon and Mr.Gallant, though I could've been wrong.

Once dressed I turned to leave my own bedroom, scruffing up the bed to make it look slept in so no suspicions would arise. I had no doubt that if Ms.Venable had discovered we'd shared a bed she would punish me harshly.

"Good morning, looking for me?"
Silk smooth voice, not too deep but not too high, caramelised when vocalised, always with an air of arrogance and dominance. There was only one person I'd ever encountered with such a voice, and there he was behind me, looking rather timid.

"Good morning Mr.Langdon."
"I told you to call me Michael, did I not?" He asked gently, walking towards me and tucking a stray piece of hair behind my ear, his fingers brushing against my neck; hot to the touch.
"I'm not comfortable with that, I hardly know you." I mustered up my best assertive voice which was difficult when confronted with such a tall, prestigious man, a man with my fate rested on his shoulders.

He leaned in then, awfully close, "You were comfortable with being in my arms all night, no? I'm sure we're past using such formal titles." His words tickled against my ear and jaw, I grabbed his wrist and took a step back, "Mr Langdon i'd appreciate it if you stopped invading my personal space without asking beforehand, has nobody ever taught you about manners?"

A wave of grit came over me and i felt confident enough to face him head on. He was taunting me and I wasn't one to play when my life was on the line- that was what I told myself, at least. Maybe a part of myself was just curious to see how he'd react when tested.

He looked down at my hand that had a tight grip on his own wrist and grinned, "Starting to act like yourself again..."
It was a sort of mumble, said under the breath. A whisper almost. But something inside of me told me not to ask.

Now is not the time.

He looked back up at me and gave me a small smile, "Forgive me, would you like to meet downstairs with your friends now? You missed breakfast, you know. Must've been more comfortable in my bed."
His left hand brushed against my own that was holding his wrist and i let go, my arms returning to my sides and my head looking down sort of embarrassed at this whole interaction.

"Sure, but um, Mr Langdon, when will I know if I've passed your test? To go to the remaining sanctuary, I mean."

Mr. Langdon adjusted his shirt collar and pulled down his blazer, an uncomfortable look across his face, almost pitiful.
"All in due time, my love."

My love?
My heart skipped a beat and memories came flooding in, blurry and mismatched.
A large, soft and gentle hand caressing the side of my face, course lips across my own.
Tears streaming down my face, holding on to the person before me in desperation.

I looked up at Michael Langdon as my mind went blank, the fragmented moments of the past being forgotten once again.

"Who are you?"