Right now i'm in a dilemma.I am supposed to choose either happiness or sadness.Happiness makes me feel alive every day.But it never consoles me when i'm feeling down,or at times when i am sad.It can only make my happiness increase but can't turn my tears into smile.
But sadness have been the most important part of my journey.I was always left alone and forced to walk on the path of thorns.And only I know how difficult it is to live alone,how difficult it is to pretend no one likes you even if you have a big crowd around you.
I always chase for love but i always face admiration.Admiration passes,love endures.Sadness has given me strenght,it has been a great weapon throughout my life.At times when I used to feel down,sadness motivated me and made me aware that no person in this world is happy,no person has never cried in this world.And at times even happiness chase for happiness,because happiness only comes when everything is going perfect,when everything you planned for yourself is happening.Sadness comes even at times everything is not going in the way you planned and even if everything you planned is happening.It is your biggest weakness yet your greatest strength.
Throughout my life I had been longing for happiness but it came for a short period of time,each time i ran behind it and tried to impress it,it ran more further and stayed away from me.But at last I was successful in impressing happiness and making it realise that i'm worth it,making it realise that i can do anything for it.And it turned out to be my love,it turned out to be a good friend,supporting me each time and every second of my life.But that didnt satisfy me,I still had a hollow space in me that was getting deeper and deeper each day,it was like an aliment that was spreading into my body and making me weaker.
I had to rush for another solution,though happiness is the best medicine,it cant cure you at times when the wound in you are increasing day by day,when the soul of your body is escaping out of your fist,that was my case.I had to choose an alternate at times when i could not walk properly,when my vision was blurred and what i saw was rejection,what I faced was rejection.It broke me further,I felt I was breathing the last few breathes of my life and living the last few seconds of my life.And then sadness appeared as an angel like the way,each time,it does.It cured me,it cured my ailment,it taught me lessons that my 15 year old brain cant understand but they had deeper meanings,it wanted me to be safe,it wanted me to be away from the evil eyes of this world.
Happiness said me not to trust sadness and sadness said me not to trust happiness.But these two have always been a great part of my life,either in a positive way or in a negative way.It has always taught me what life is about,how worst the life could turn out to be.It saved me from the demons that were growing in me each day.It saved me from a catrostrope,my life.It saved me from the darkness and itself went into it,in order to save me.Now i have reached the time of my life when i have to choose between them.I choose sadness over happiness but happiness have given me a lot more than i desired.It has taught me to love myself,to admire my every feature,it has taught me what love meant,each time i spoke to it i had butterflies in my stomach,I was falling in love.
And it was a trap,it was a great trap.
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