Written In This Diary Are The Feelings That I Can't Change - Larry Stylinson

Chapter 2 - Harry POV

I reached our apartment and like always I was met with a warm hug from Louis. I hugged him back, enjoying his wonderful scent that has become the smell of home for me. As soon as I released him and went to take of my coat and shoes he began bouncing lightly on his heels as though he was anxious. Then he said, "Haz... Will you go out for lunch with me –," He continued talking but I had spiraled off into a world of my own. I couldn't help feel excited, was he asking me out? He seemed anxious as though he was worried of my response, usually he wasn't so nervous. I couldn't believe that he liked me too. I was snapped out of my daze by Louis prodding me saying, "Haz you zoned out, did you hear what I said?"

"Umm not really," I said. I wanted to ensure I wasn't hearing things so this time as he spoke, I listened carefully. "I asked you whether you would go for lunch with me and my girlfriend, Eleanor."

"Girlfriend," I said, hoping my disappointment that he's taken will come off as disappointment that he never told me about her. Luckily, that's what he thought.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you Haz. I met her a few weeks back and we became friends immediately and a week back I asked her out and she agreed." His voice started out remorseful, apologizing for not telling me the truth but as he began speaking of Eleanor his voice became cheery and I could tell he really liked her. So, for his sake, for his happiness, I pretended to be excited, "Ooh, tell me about her." I said with a wink, smiling as though I was really happy for him while from inside, I was trying to hold my tears back. He started talking animatedly about how beautiful she is, how he loved every part of her. He spoke about her beautiful eyes and body and hair and he went on and on. It hurt me a lot and I wondered if he ever spoke or would ever speak about me like that. I was hurting. Then I asked him a question that had been bothering me, "Lou, why didn't you tell me about her earlier. We had promised to tell each other everything." He frowned and I realized that I must have cut him off between his description. Then he shrugged and said, "We made that promise ages ago, it doesn't really matter. It's not as if you don't have any secrets." I felt my heart break. I stayed silent, because truth be told I had told him every one of my secrets except for confessing my love for him. I was going to do that also tomorrow. Well now I wouldn't say anything. When Louis realized I was silent, he understood that I told him everything and immediately he looked guilty.

"Never mind," I said and shrugged trying to look nonchalant while from inside I was breaking down. I forced out a convincing yawn and said, "I'm knackered, I'm going to bed. I ate earlier so you can eat anything you want for dinner. I need some rest. Goodnight. And oh, I forgot to say, I can't join you for lunch tomorrow as I am behind in the song writing." Louis muttered a goodnight in response as I trudged to my room. I shut my door and screamed into my pillow before breaking down into tears. I sobbed all night as I thought about how much he liked Eleanor and how he would never like me that way. I accepted defeat, knowing he'd never be mine. I was disappointed that he got a girlfriend but as long as he was happy, I could be happy. It would hurt but I could survive as long as we will be as close as we currently are. However, what really hurt was that he broke our promise. It scared me that we would drift apart. I needed him, more than he would ever know. So many times, I read negative articles about me and sometimes I feel like just giving up, ending my life. If Louis wasn't there to hold me and calm me down, I would probably be dead. If he left me, I don't know what I'd do, I depend on him too much. And so, sobbing heavily, scared about the future, I drifted off just as the first rays of sunlight peeked through the window. 

So Eleanor has come into the picture... And we have a very sad Harry but this only the start. *evil laughter* By the way the gift in the media section is too adorable, isn't it?