Glory.

12

I woke up with Ava tangled in my arms and Jude snoring on my chest. Their heads full of hair tickled my nose, causing me to smile. They looked like little lions.

I planted a kiss on top of Jude's head and snuggled closer to Ava, who snored lightly. The memory of when she was born came to mind—through all that gunk she was covered in, she was the most beautiful thing that I had ever came across. Her eyes were so big and she was so...aware. I was too shaky to cut the umbilical cord so I just watched from afar, as she was laid on Victoria's chest. My wife cried, rubbing our newborn girl while I stood a few feet away, in awe. My father in law told me to go to my family so I did.

I kissed the top of Tori's head and whispered how much of a great job she'd done and finally, I held Ava for the first time—I was scared of hurting her and scared of what the future held. But, I felt an extreme love and hopefulness; one that I had never experienced. It felt like things could be good for us in that moment. It didn't feel like the stress of working dead ends job and barely scraping by. It didn't feel like the impending doom of going into the police academy soon, and the piles of late bills in our lousy apartment had been long forgotten.

Then I became angry. Angry for who I had been in my past, for things that I could potentially do in the future that would screw up all the work Tori put into bringing her into this world. I hoped I could be my best for her future. Holding my baby girl for the first time felt like every emotion and thought—negative and positive all wrapped up into one in a matter of a couple seconds. Being a 19 year old thrown into fatherhood was my first blessing—one that I had taken for granted. I couldn't understand why I did such a cowardly thing and abandoned my family.

It pained me to know that I wasn't there for Jude's birth as well. My first son. I was going to be haunted by that for eternity and I could only pray that they grew up to see me for the changed man I was trying to become. This thought made me squeeze the two children a little tighter, holding them as close as I could. "I didn't know you were awake." Victoria whispered from the doorway. I could hear something sizzling from the kitchen, with a hint of maple wafting in the air. She made breakfast.

"Yeah, these two have me trapped." I chuckled as the kids snored.

Sleeping in felt great. Sleeping in felt like hope for the future, for some reason—Victoria and I were on good terms, the kids were enjoying their time with me but I couldn't shake something. I couldn't shake thoughts of my mother and sister.

Maybe I got carried away with this hope thing but it was too late to turn back now, I was already dialing Hazel. Hazel was my older sister, the caretaker of our mother who'd been on hospice for quite some time. When I ran off from my family in a drunken rage, I left them behind as well. Granted, my mother and I rarely ever saw eye to eye, especially when it came to Hazel and I's relationship—I still wished I called more.

The woman had her tender moments and Hazel was always my blood. "Hello?" Hazel's voice was curious and confused. She probably didn't recognize this number. "Who's this?"

"Hazel." I felt nervous as I watched from a distance while Jude and Ava ran around on the playground. Victoria sat on a bench nearby, watching the two intently and stealing concerned glances from me. I fiddled with my free hand, moving it in my pocket then through my facial hair.

Before I could say anything, she responded. "Yanis?" We hadn't talked in what felt like forever. I regretted it. She was my sister before anything. "What's...up?" Her voice was careful.

"Um, nothing." I responded truthfully. "Been bonding with the kids and Tori." I breathed. Talking with a sibling shouldn't be this hard.

"Oh, you two together again?" She questioned, her voice flat.