White - Phanfic

1 - Pure

'My whole life I have been tormented my this nagging in the back of my head. It's safe to say that from a young age, I knew it wasn't at all normal. It was when I had reached the great age of twenty I knew the nagging would never fade. I grows stronger, reaching into the locked and out of sync parts of my brain to be revealed , ready to torment me.

I have grown accoustom to the way my brain works. Small oddities here and there but I can cope. I need to cope in order to seem normal. Normality is my goal. It's what I strive to achieve. I mustn't let what I feel slip.

I don't remember much from the last time that happened, only that I musn't see those images again.'

I peel myself up from the beadsheets that I have been laying on for more than two hours. Speaking to myself is a habbit i must stop but I still cant shake the routine of getting up a few hours early to narrate my life into the dark abyss of my room. Phil thinks I'm just lazy, which is true, but not at this particular time.

I shield myself from the bright hallway light as my weak just-got-out-of-bed eyes cannot cope just yet. Making my way to the kitchen, I find a happy Phil whistling along to the radio.

"Morning twat" He cheekly smirks at me. I groan in response as I can't be botherd to form words. He laughs and throws me my box of cereal. I glance inside. Cinnamon crunch that has been snacked on.

"Phil, you've been eating my cereal again haven't you?" I shake my head as I see him stutter.

"Uh I-urm well Dan you see I sort of get hungry and I couldn't be bothered to make something"

"Then eat your own bloody cereal for fuck sake!" I protest, lightly punching his arm. He fake winces and runs off to the living room. 

"Have we finished that piano anime yet?" He yells from the other room. I wander over to him and choose a new show to watch.

"Tokyo ghoul? Sounds like some sort of twilight story..."

"Shhh its meant to be good. Its base off of all thes-" Phil cuts me off by throwing a pillow at me to tell me to shut up. I slouch against the sofa, not really paying attention to the gorey scenes projected onto the screen. I notice the usual albicant haze about my vision and take a mental note its worse than usual.

My mind ponders to whats happening around me. I can here the shouting and talking from the tv and the occasional car driving past but it seems that nothing special is happening outside. I glance over to the tv to see a boy being beaten up by a pink haired lady. 'Theres the main character' I smirk to myself as I watch the boy avoid death.

Death. I haven't dont it yet.

My arms suddenly ache to be payed attention to and I glance over to the concentrated Phil.

"Im going to the toilet..." He mumbles his response.

I get easily triggered lately and I don't know why. The amount of blood being lost in the anime didn't help either. Once it was on my mind, I wouldn't be able to concentrate for the day. I've tried to go without before but Phil got suspicous and thats the last thing I want.

Closing the door I sink to my knees wishing my thoughts doubting my behavior away. The nagging started.