Death or life?

Prologue

Night, so black, so dark as my soul. That darkness that has remained for soul.

Rain. Falls so strong to the ground. The sky is crying with me tonight. It's so wonderful to cry in the rain. When the drops are cuting your cheek and you can only separate them from the tears by the burning they create.

I can't remember my self smiling really when I'm alone... I can't remember my self stopping before cutting my skin... I can't remember my self stopping the tears before they fell...

They took from me the most important...
They took the life I had inside..
They left me alone fighting with my demons..

They destroyed me...

I miss you.. Why aren't you here? Where are you my old self? Where did your smile go? Where did your childish voice that laughed all the time go? Why are you crying? Why are you hurting? Why are you bleeding?

Who broke you? You destroyed you? Who left you? Them.. The one you loved and hates at the same time from your very first breathe..

You.. Yourself!

What's the reason to live like this?
What's the reason to walk alone?
What's the reason to always getting hurt?
Why should they get away with it?
Why are you so weak?
What's wrong with you?
YOU DESTROYED EVERYTHING!
I love you my old self..
I hate you for what have you become...

I miss you.. I'm sorry I betrayed you. I'm sorry I betrayed that smile.. I'm sorry I let it fade.. And I can't get it back..
COME BACK! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I CAN'T FIGHT ALONE ANYMORE! I NEED YOU HERE!

Where are you? Where are you now that I need you the most? Now that I'm alone? Why did you left me like all the other did? Why aren't you here?

What should I do? Tell me! Help me! SAVE ME! Save me from my self.. I'm loosing it.. I'm loosing my mind..

I think I can't breathe.. The tears has stopped hot on my cheek.. Stop.. Stop that heart from beating.. But you don't stop, you can't stop..

Deep breath.. Calm down... You got this.. You can do it.. You still can...

I'm sorry.. I'm sorry my self.. For another one time I'm sorry.. I screwed up...

And the questioning in my head is...

Should I live or should I die?