"omg!! no this can't be over. sister this isn't how it has to end. remember when we collabed on that remix of kim kardashians song 'jam'?🥺🥺🥺"
The truth was, Ian and James were actually secret twins who were besties when they we kids. They fell out 10 years ago when Ian won miss hawaii and James only came third. James was overthrown by rage and jealousy and fled the country, never speaking to Ian EVER again. Meanwhile, Ian hooked up with his runner up competitor, Barry Bee Benson.
*play jealousy jealousy by olivia Rodrigo*
"YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID SISTER NOW ITS WAR" James sang in acapella.
"OH YEAH? DANCE BATTLE. YOU. ME. RIGHT NOW!!!!" yelled Ian in his mighty alpha roaring voice. "WINNER GETS 800 V BUCKS PLUS WINS CROWN AS LEADER OF BOTH MAFIAS!!"
"OH ITS ON LIKE DONKEY KONG SISTER!"
Ian struts to the stereo and slams on his favourite song ever.
*all about that bass by meghan trainer starts playing*
Ian started to do the savage dance followed seamlessly by the renegade and smoothly sliding into orange justice.
"CAN YA DO ANY BETTER SISTER BLISTER" sings james before throwing a pinkity drinkity at Ian's smooth bald head.
James slides up to the stereo and slams on his best beat.
*rain on me by lady gaga starts blaring out the speakers*
James starts twerking like a alarm clock on steroids and then Irish dances all over the dance floor. He seems to be getting too into it because he starts flossing uncontrollably and flies through the roof like a shooting star.
Everyone watches in shock as rain on me continues to play in the background but just when they thought it was over, James exploded in the sky like a firework like in that one katy perry song.
"omg.... I DID IT! I WON!!" Ian twerked in victory and added a crown to his already beautiful bitmoji in honour of his gracious win.
All the logangers bowed down in defeat but also willingly cause Ian was really hot.
"Its a shame all those people had to die for this win... but not that girl cause she was really weird" Ian says sadly while pointing at y/n who was lying perfectly perfect at the bottom of the staircase covered in the remains of the pinkity drinkity.
10 months later...
*fight song starts playing in acapella version*
The bells rang joyfully as ian strutted down the isle wearing his beautiful custom made wedding suit:
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The crowd went wild and bowed down to him as he walked past. He reached the end of the isle and took his soon to be wife's hand.
"Trisha Kay Paytas, do you take me to be your husband and will you make me the happiest sexiest man like ever"
(bet you weren't expecting that 😜)
"omg yes i do my pumpkin button nut" she cried happily, "and do you take me as your problematic sexy icon queen wife?"
"Omg yuh babeycakes "
"then i now pronounce you husband and wife" cried frankie grande proudly.
*i love you jesus by trisha paytas begins to be played by the pianist*
The happy couple walk down the isle and into their honeymoon taxi which drives off into the night sunset....
Fin.
I hope you all enjoyed this emotional story. I cried several times while writing it 🥺🥺💗. Sorry that you had to die but so glad Ian finally found his mafia queen soulmate💖💞💞💓💖💖💗💕.
