Love you to the moon and back; Hinata Shoyo x reader

He's my friend now

....
My head hurts.
"No one cares." "Why don't you just go kill yourself." "Smile more!" "Why are you so quite?" "SHUT UP!" "You're such a disappointment." "Just die."
If I just died no one would give a damn

(TW:ED SELF HARM, CUTTING)

"This is so dumb."

You pick up the sharp blade that was on your night stand. Back and forth the blade goes against your s/c (s/c- skin color) skin.

You watch as the red liquid appears from out of your skin.

The blade reaching new spots to cut the skin. The thoughts erase from your head. Your face still left with your dry tears, burned your swollen eyes.
You put the blade down and look at your red skin, still left with some scars and blood from before.

You did this to keep the thoughts away from your head. It works even though you try to stop, or have a better way to keep the thoughts away. But all your mind goes to is cutting. It's not the best way, but it helps.

Your mother abuses you and she started ever since your dad left. You hate your mom. She never understood you. And she treats you like garbage.

You dropped out of high school. Your mom made you drop out but you didn't mind all that much. You couldn't stand crowds or people anyways, so it's not like you hated her for it. You do want to know what it's like in high school though.

But you feel like it would be a bad place for you. You like to isolate yourself from everyone and everything because you like the quite and to be alone.

Your homeschooled of course since you don't go to school. You still need to learn. You're your own teacher since your mom couldn't care less about your education or even about you.

You study in your room most of the time or at the market close to your house. Sakanoshita's market. It's really quite in there so it's nice to go there to study.

The guy who works there is nice too, sometimes he gives you free snacks. You didn't really have the money to buy food anyways but when you did you'd buy stuff there or at any other stores.

Sometimes when your at the market, a group of boys from kurasono will come over after volleyball practice to get a snack, but you always ignore them. You'd rather not get in the way anyways.

You made a deal with yourself not to get attached to anyone because your mother told you if you get attached to someone they'll tell you that you mean a lot to them and then they'll leave you. And you'll get hurt in the end.

You've never had feelings for anyone. You'd rather not catch feelings. It's a waste of time even though you wonder what it's like sometimes. To be loved. Held. Protected. But you'd rather not think about it.

Your mother used to barely let you stay outside for too long when you were little. If you stayed to long at the park you'd get beat. You never liked to listen to her because you liked it outside. Plus you were stubborn.

One time you were at the park and you were playing on the playground and ended up falling off of a slide. You passed out and someone else at the park brought you to a hospital.

They called you mother and when she came she looked furious. She took you back home and abused you again like always. She told you that, that would have never had happened if you never went out like I told you. But you didn't care what she had to say to you. You really liked going to the park. It was peaceful and quite. You loved nature. It actually reminds you of that one time you were at the park after your mom yelled at you.

(Flashback to a couple years ago when you were 10)

You snuck out after your mom had yelled at you. You hated her so much, why couldn't she just understand anything? Of course the only place you went to was the park.

As you walked over to sit on a bench not realizing or caring that there was someone else sitting there on the bench also, you sat down and started crying.

The boy sitting there stares at you as you tear up. He couldn't help but ask what was wrong and if you're okay. You shake your head. He asks what happened and you tell him you and your mom got into an argument and that's all. Purposely leaving out the fact that you also got abused by your mother too.

"Oh, I'm sorry." The boy says a little down. "Do you like the park?" The ginger asks trying to brighten up the mood.

You nod. "I like coming here a lot." You add. "I like it here too." He says as you both smile.

You stopped crying. It felt nice to talk to someone your age. Your mom never let you talk to anyone, or make friends.

"I want to be like the tiny giant!" The red-head says randomly.

"What's that?" You ask not knowing that the tiny giant is a person. "He's an awesome volleyball player and he's the ace! I want to be able to play like him someday!" He says very excited. You're still confused on what he is talking about but you nod and smile. "Cool."

"What high school are you going to?" The small ginger asks you. "I don't know." You tell him.
"Oh,  well I want to go to Karasuno high just like the tiny giant did!" He says still bringing up this tiny giant.

Time passes by as you two talk to each other a little more. You both ended up playing on the playground. You liked hanging out with him. It was kinda fun having a friend. If he saw you as a friend that is.

The boy has orange bright fluffy hair, Carmel brown eyes, and he's slightly shorter than you, but older.

You both were sitting on the ground breathing heavily after playing tag. "You're pretty fast." You tell him panting. "Yeah I guess." The ginger says with a laugh. "That was fun!" He adds.

"So what's your name?" You pause after he asked that question. "It's y/n. Y/n, L/n." You tell him.

"WOW THAT'S A PRETTY NAME!" He bluntly says out loud leaving you in slight shock.

"Oh, I guess so." You laugh. "I'm Hinata. Hinata Shoyo, but you can call me Shoyo since we're friends now!"

Friends. He's my friend now. "Okay!" You say with a smile.

You realize it's getting late. "I should get home, it's getting kinda late." You tell the ginger a little disappointed. "Yeah your right." He adds.

"Well I had a lot of fun with you! Maybe we can see each other again sometime. Maybe tomorrow!" He says excitingly hoping you'll say yes. "Yeah sure, we can meet up again tomorrow at the same time as today!" You tell the excited ginger. "Yeah!"

You left and said your goodbyes as you walk home with regret.

You open the front door and see your mother standing there with a disappointed look on her face. "Where were you?" You really didn't want her to ask that. You were scared. You knew you couldn't get out of this.

"Park." You tell your mother firmly. Another look of disappointment appears on her face. "I told you not to go out, especially this late."

She grabs you by your hand, you knew what was going to happen next. You hated getting abused by your mother. Just as much as you hated her. She wasn't even like a mom to you. She never took care of you or even herself. And it's all because of when your father left. He left when you were born, and you thought you were the reason why.

You were laying in your bed staring at the ceiling. You glanced at the new bruises you had on your body from your mother. It's hurts. You were sore and in so much pain. But it wasn't a new feeling. You knew she won't ever change. You wish she did. But it's not possible. The pain will last forever.