House of Cards

Chapter 4.

20th of August, 2020

It’s been a week since my last entry and there’s no reason for that other than the simple but complex fact that I was unmotivated. I’m praying someone would just forget me under the bed. Caroline never does. She never forgets to dish out her demons either, but I’d rather die a sweet death at the hands and lips of my love.

But I sympathise with her dread. It’s dire really. She’s Bipolar after all. It’s not a joke… she is.

***

Caroline and I had been dating roughly two months then and I was starting to think she was written in the books by God, under the chapter called ‘Park Jimin’. It felt serendipitous yet destined. I believe all things happen for a reason whether to teach or to eternally bring happiness. I prayed she was the latter. What I was sure of, however, was that I was completely enthralled with this woman.

She had an ostentatious glow that I only wish I had. I admired how easy it was for her to claim what she wanted, with no qualms as to if it was the right decision. I loved that she couldn’t care less what others thought of her and her ability to strut with pride. She was everything I was not. Sexy to say the least.

I held out the last note and the producer clapped for me. I was barely able to hide my swathe grin. Life had been looking up recently and I was too when Caroline wore heels… which was too often. Leaving the Grey Label Records building brought a certain satisfaction, knowing that I had just got done recording the third song, ‘Promise’, on my first EP, and I had a job.

I felt a sudden vibration in my pocket, and I pulled my phone out, noticing a timely text on my screen.

Adoré: Would it be risky of me to request an audience with you at sept heures (7 o’clock)?

Me: No, it wouldn’t.

Adoré: If things go well… you might not have to walk that dog of yours ;)

It didn’t take a scholar to know what she was talking about, but I was taken off guard. Not surprised, because I knew who I was dealing with, so it wasn’t out of character.

I wasn’t a virgin but nonetheless, my palms moistened. Maybe I was in denial of my true thoughts because I was hit with a wave of anxiety as I was getting ready at home. Caroline and I had never done it before, but that aspect was not what scared me. Rather, it was “who” that was the problem.

Aside from all the inner beauty and confidence Caroline had, she scared me to death. I got the feeling she would never settle for less and I wanted to be more for her. I wasn’t sure if I knew how to. I know I can only really be myself and hope for the best, but was I the best? Was I ever going to be the best thing she ever had; the best sex she ever had?

Lucky for me, my income was usually spent on rent and fashion. I slid the black silk shirt off its hanger and pulled it over my body, leaving two buttons at the top free. I fixed my studded cuffs around my wrists. I rarely wore my skinny leather jeans, but I think it fit the occasion. Dang they were snug. But my thighs did look good…

There wasn’t any jewellery that I could put on that I wasn’t already wearing so all I had to do was slip on my Chelsea boots and leave the apartment before it was too late.

***

I exhaled a shaky breath as I pressed the button to open the elevator door. She was awaiting my presence and I did not want to make her wait. As I entered the elevator, a short middle-aged maid rushed past me, huffing and puffing with all her sanitation items clanging against each other. I looked, a little bemused at her sense of hurry.