A Hallway of Leaves

Six

"I am retiring."

Sam's words echo loudly inside my head like an atomic bomb just dropped by or a lightning strike about a foot away from me. I would like to laugh it out how silly he sounded and how dramatic he announced it, but I know too well how very wrong this one is. After all, acting is Sam's very life.

Airin keeps blabbering about it while I remain frozen on my seat.

Both the interviewer and Katherine look at Sam with absolute shock but it appears that Sam had rehearsed it already and knows too well the possible reactions. The interviewer, once again, gathers her composure and recovers from the shock, asking, "You're retiring as an actor, Brión?"

Sam keeps up his smile as he nods. "Yes. Isn't that what I just said? That's the very reason why I won't take the offer to star in a Star Wars movie. I have decided that it will just be a hindrance in my future endeavors. I somehow envy people around my age, especially those who has a share of education. My childhood friend keeps blabbering about how excited she is to finally enter College, telling me that she is one step closer to reach her dreams. It seems to me that she really knows what she wanted to do with her life."

"So you're entering College, is that it? You recently finished home-school as a high school, right?"

"Yeah. Actually, the very reason why I started acting is because I don't know what I want in my future. I want to be a man of many things as a child. I want to be a doctor, a scientist, a soldier, a pirate, a pilot, a photographer, and countless other things. Then, my mother told me that the only way for me to be that man was to pursue acting. But now that I think of it, I realize that I can't continue being simply an actor. Though acting is a profession that I earn to love already... I know that I can't settle to a life I really wanted."

There's a much deeper meaning to what Sam is saying, and I hope that he'll be honest with it in front of the camera. Because if he keeps on keeping that façade, I know that this decision will forever haunt him.

"What do you mean by that?" the interviewer asks again, sharing a nervous look with Katherine.

"I want to have one last act where there's no script, no retake, no edited parts... the simple act of being me. I want some privacy with my life from now on."

———

Airin continues blabbering about it until the time that she receives a call from Peter to have dinner. She invites me along them but I decline, telling her that I've already eaten. And I am glad that I am all alone again inside my room to ponder over such thoughts running in a frenzy in my mind.

After Airin leaves, I lock the main door, stride to the living room, and finally lie down on my bed, lying on my stomach as I bury my face against the cluster of pillows and Una, the huggable husky pup stuff toy that Sam had given me as a Christmas present last year, at the time that he promised that he'll one day present me with a real one that turns out to be Buzz.

Why would he? I ask myself. He has everything, and nothing to lose. His father has a stronghold in the British nobility with a lord high command in the Irish Air Force, he never need to worry about losing so much. But... why should he let go off the very thing he wants to do all his life?

My phone vibrates with a chimed beep, continuous. I slowly reach for it and find out that Sam is contacting me through FaceTime. I hesitantly answer it, unsure if I am ready to finally see him as someone stepping out of the camera lights and to a life as a commoner—though he'll never be one; for he'll always be regarded as "The Honourable Sir Sam Bryce Beltrami".

His face appears in the camera with a smile wearing his usual disguise. From the view behind him and the constant shift of shadows from the glorious sun of New York, no wonder that he is riding a car, and by the looks of it, a taxi cab to be exact. He greets with that American English accent, "Hey! Earth to Ada!"

"What do you want?" I ask. What have you done?

"Haven't you seen the news?"

"It's the talk of everyone. The news and all social media sites are starting to make a guess of the reason why the famed young actor Brión Siadhail suddenly wanted to retire in the acting industry to have some privacy in life," I say, after ensuring that he is wearing earphones that conceals this conversation of ours. "Apparently, I may even applaud you for such revelation. Good job."

He laughs. I can't hint if it is genuine since his eyes are covered by such tinted glasses. "That's the truth. You and I share our first kiss and a lot other things."

"Not everything. You didn't cry or laugh on me the first time."

"Darn you, óinseach."

"Amadán."

"You just tell me that my feelings are unrequited."

"You're just playing with me, finding a way out of a foxhole where Katherine is. Nice one, lover boy."

He laughs again. "By the way, aren't you scared being alone?"

"I have Airin, Peter, and countless other students along with me in Roebuck Hall. I'll be seeing Mom everyday around campus, Dad would visit once in a while, and I'll be home during the weekends whenever I don't have a hectic schedule. I don't feel alone at all. Also, there's you. The world will never feel so big to be alone."

"Yeah. You're right." He adjusts his sunglasses, turning serious all of a sudden. "Anyway, see you soon. Just wanted to check on you after the past few days."

"Yeah," I reply with a small voice. "Slán abhaile."

He smiles. "Gura míle."

Only when the call ends that I ask myself the same question he'd ask of me.

Aren't you scared being alone?

I wonder.

———————————————

Translation guide:
* Óinseach - Idiot (feminine)
* Amadán - Idiot (masculine)
* Slán abhaile - Have a safe journey home
* Gura míle - Thank you (informal)

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