My Lolita, Cassandra [RFK/Bobby Kennedy] (Alternate Universe)

Part Twelve

"The Infamous Brother"

Hours have passed since Robert left the hospital. Since he broke your heart for the very first time, and that's not even the worst part, the worst part is it being possibly the last. You've stared at Judd's hurting face for too long that his face is starting to contort eerily. The more time you spend in the white room, the more you realize how soothing the beeping sound the machines make once you get used to it—it's almost reassuring, in a way; when the food gets cold, the nurses get tired, the infomercials die down, the indomitable noise will accompany your misery no matter what. Unlike your father who'll probably sleep at his office again tonight. Unlike your mother who doesn't even know her son almost died. Unlike Diane who's running off with someone she just met. And unlike Robert—who never loved you.

You numbingly reach into your handbag for your cell phone as it loudly rings. "Diane?" You answer the call and recline into the chair beside Judd's bed. "Hey, how are you feeling, Cass?" Diane asks with genuine concern. "Confused and frustrated, somewhat angry," you answer truthfully. "I get it. I'm angry at myself for yelling at you this morning." Diane is pretty much convinced you're incapable of doing anything wrong. Having Judd on the hospital bed has a silver lining, after all. "You didn't know." You shrug it off, having your mind on something else entirely.

"I need to ask you a question." You decide to speak up about what's been eating you inside. "Yeah?" Replies Diane from the other side of the telephone. "When are you leaving?" You have a feeling she might leave much earlier than what she told you. "I told you— June," the girl curtly says. You can hear the guilt in her voice that only emerges when she's lying—because she's a bad liar, unlike you.

"You hate your dad. You probably hate me for what I did. And now you're at Jared's house. You're leaving tonight, aren't you?" Your voice is soft and slow even in the most serious situation—it is the Weltschmerz side of you; your heart won't race, your eyes won't widen, and your jaw won't drop even if Diane says it's true. "Yeah, I am," she says, and you smile. "So do I call you on your private cell after this?" You ask the important question. "Yep, I'm leaving this one behind." Diane sounds relieved that you're not making a big deal out of her radical decision anymore.

"Alright, Di. Take care, OK?" You wish her well, and without realizing, tears are welling up inside your eyes. "I'll come back someday. When my mother will, too," Diane tells you. She sounds wise; like a teenage girl who's experienced every misfortune the world has to offer. "You promise?" Your voice trembles as it finally dawns on you that it'll be a while until you see her again.

"Yes, but I won't get my hopes up," Diane cynically remarks. "Take care of my dad, OK? He's gonna be so lost when he finds out." Then a bitter laugh comes out of her mouth, and you're growing bitter over the Kennedys; they hurt you and throw you away like you don't matter. "What do I tell him if he asks me?" You question her plan. "Cover me while we settle down. I'll call Dad when I'm ready to tell the truth," Diane answers with a new kind of confidence—the kind you've never seen a 16-year-old girl before.

"Well, whatever you do..." you take a long, deep breath. "Don't forget me, okay?" Silence descends over the two of you, with no one knowing how to respond. Diane opens her mouth, seemingly ready to speak, but sighs instead. After a bit, she speaks up, "I won't. Oh, and... sorry about Judd. Goodbye, Cass." The call ends in an instant, she gave you no chance to linger in her presence. Everybody has a replacement for you, you were never the first choice, always the backup plan.