"Only one in 10 who suffer ever receive treatment."
That statistic was from 2006; and indirectly realizing that's where my anorexia started. There was no one to turn to at the ripe, little age of 12. I was young, who was going to listen to me?
I'm not one to shy away from talking about things usually, but try to follow the best you can as I'm about to discuss some things that I've hidden away from the world.
A little while after I turned 13, my aunt started to date someone with a hidden, sick and twisted mind. Before I discuss this further, this is a trigger warning pertaining to or associated with pedophilia while under the influence of alcohol and quite possibly drugs.
I don't understand why I was picked out of a crowd or why a couple of my siblings were chosen for what happened to them. (*Side Note: I will NOT be discussing what happened to them. That's their story to tell on their terms.) This sick and twisted individual had decided to molest me on multiple occasions and even did so while he was "helping me with my homework". How do I tell a teacher I was so scared that I didn't get to finish my assignment? I was punished at home, while unbeknownst to my mom, I was suffering inside because a coward decided to touch me. A child. HER child. I never once spoke up until I was too old to file charges against him. I will forever hate myself for that, but I've forgiven all of it for me to be able to live in peace.
Peace after sexual assault is hard. No matter what form of assault you endure, it's hard to find that inner peace that you didn't deserve it or wanted it to happen. It takes a hard toll on your life and the way you view it. Everyone is a predator and you're alone to fight it all. I didn't say anything to anyone about what had happened to me until I was 19 years old. I was ashamed that this was who I had become. I didn't want to be a 13 year old who felt violated but also didn't believe my truth was enough. I'm still worried that my truth will never be enough, or that I'm not going to show the true harshness behind the situations and internal danger I've been through.
I still view all men as predators no matter how close we are because my inner 13 year old is still scared for her life and safety. I can't let her down. She's been through too much stuff in her life that she has to be protected now so she can be set free.
Gates and locks everywhere will be broken within this whole book. Things no one wants to talk about, not even myself, will be brought up, be opened and also discussed for you to know the nightmares I've seen with my own eyes.
You need to understand that here I've been and what I've seen, because voyeurism is a real nightmare I've had to endure.
YOU ARE READING
What A Mess?: Figuring Life Out While Living In A Nightmare.
Non-FictionThis is based on REAL events, from my life that I have LIVED through. This is about me, right now. I'm only 27, however, age doesn't define experience. I'm human and know what it's like to live in a nightmare of my own.
