My World Upturned

Chapter One

Warning: Abuse

My name is Carolynn Venicchi and since I can remember I had always had seizures. It was a normal part of my life now and something that I didn't think much of anymore. The earliest memory I have was of a seizure, that's how long I've had them. I was around four, I want to say, and I was looking at this girl sitting across from me, Angie, at the sandbox at our local Pre-K school. We were playing with these little toy dolls that I think she brought from her house, and she had reached over to me to grab the one I was holding. The next thing I knew, my sight was replaced; Before I was looking at the little black-haired girl, and the next thing I knew I was looking up at a man towering over me. I had never seen him before in my life, and I couldn't hear anything he was saying, but I could feel the fear and pain that was ripping through my body.

'What's going on?' I thought. 'Who is he? What is he doing to me? Why does it hurt?!' I was sure I was screaming these questions out loud, but I wasn't. After the man walked away and the pain went with him, I was able to take a gulp of air in and my sight changed again, however, instead of the man in front of me, it was all the kids in my class and the teachers standing over me. My body hurt everywhere like I had been run over and in my ears was a roaring sound. I found out that meant I was going to pass out. When I woke up again, I was in a white room that I was unfamiliar with, and my parents were standing by my bed talking to a woman in a white coat.

"Oh baby, are you okay?" my mom asked me. She sounded out of breath, and I noticed her eyes were wet. She looked like she had been crying.

"Mama? What's going on?" I remember saying. What had happened? I remember I had been at school, but it was hazy after that disorienting experience with Angie. But after that, it's all kind of blurry.

"Oh, sweety, your teacher called us, she said you had a seizure during recess today during school! We were so worried; we came as soon as we heard. How are you feeling, baby girl?" Mama said this all-in-one breath. She was hovering near my arm and her hands were stretched out like she wanted to touch me but was afraid I would break if she did.

"Mama, I was playing with Angie outside today, and suddenly there was a man there, he was hurting me. I couldn't do anything to stop him. I don't even know what he was doing but he was there, and I couldn't say anything either..." I trailed off. I said all of this very quietly, I was still trying to remember it all. I had never seen that man before in my life. He looked like Angie did. They had the same black hair, and pretty gray eyes. But no, I had never seen him before. What was he doing to me? What was he doing there?

"What man, sweety? You teachers said it was just the children and them outside with you." Mama said. What is she talking about? Of course there was a man there! With how badly he was hurting me, there had to be a mark somewhere! I pulled the sheets back and peaked under the hospital gown they put me in and looked at my hips where he was holding me back at school. There was nothing there, just smooth skin. It still hurt though, like it just happened, so I know it wasn't my imagination. My arms and wrists were also unmarked and their normal tan shade. What happened then? Who was that man? Why was he hurting me?

"Mama I swear! I still hurt from where he was grabbing me! I swear I'll have bruises; you have to believe me! I wouldn't lie to you mama!" I cried out, there's no way I had imagined that! The doctor who had been standing beside daddy at the door finally spoke up. I forgot she was even there.

"Coralynn," she began, "You had a seizure today during recess. That means that your brain misfired, and you had a...fit... of sorts. It was probably from stress, so don't worry. It shouldn't happen again. Normally for children your age it's due to temperature rising too quickly, but yours is fine, so that's the next most likely reason." She walked over to the folder that was sitting on the counter and flipped it open. Inside was some kind of dark blue paper that showed a funny picture on it.

"Coralynn, this is a picture of your brain we took," she turned off one of the lights and put the picture on some machine on the wall that lit up the picture when she touched something. "See this part of your brain here? This is where we can see where in your brain the seizure happened. This tiny little dark spot is called your Amygdala, which handles all your feelings and emotions. All you need to do is do some exercises and lower your stress levels and we'll see if that takes care of the problem, ok?" She explained.

Some words I understood, some I didn't, but she did a good job of explaining it to me. I don't know what stress was, but I know I wasn't feeling it. I was always happy. I didn't ever worry over anything; I was smart and found school easy. I had a ton of friends at school, and I didn't ever go without at home. But she's the doctor, so she should know, right?

"Now, I'm going to sign you out of here so you can go home, ok? But make sure to take it easy from now on!" She said, she came over to me and reached her hand out and put it on my shoulder, and my world stopped again. My vision changed again from the smiling doctor to a person laying on a bed just like I was. They were older than me, probably around mama's age, except there was blood everywhere; red stained the floors, the sheets, the person. I moved to the person on the bed and stood over them, I saw my hands go out in front of me and push on the person's chest, fingers together. Those aren't my hands. These fingers were longer than my little ones, there was a ring on the left finger with a large rock on it. The skin was a darker color than mine, a darker brown compared to my slight tan. I felt a hand slam on my back, and my vision returned to normal.

"Coralynn!" the doctor shouted. I was spluttering from the hard beating she gave my back and glanced over to her. Mama was backed in the corner by daddy, crying, and the doctor was to my left, her hand on the wall and ready to push a button. Her left hand, where there was a pretty ring just like I saw a second ago. Her skin tone was the same too, except it wasn't red this time. I did the only acceptable thing and screamed.

"You killed someone!" I shouted at her, "I saw you kill a man who was bleeding everywhere! Just now!" I was scrambling to get off the bed and away from her but ended up falling to the floor, knocking the air out of my lungs. I forced my eyes open while trying to breathe again and saw her looking at me with shocked eyes.

"Sweetheart, we haven't left the room. We've all been here with you just now; you had another seizure." She said, not walking over to me. Mama pulled me up and hugged me to her chest, while I was looking around. The room was still white, there was no man in the bed, and nothing was stained. What just happened? As I was being sat back on the bed, with mama climbing in beside me and daddy sitting in the chair next to us, staying quiet the entire time, the doctor looked deep in thought.

"Coralynn, it seems you're having hallucinations during your seizures, so I'll switch up the medicine I'm going to give you, ok?" I nodded my head at her, still confused. I know what I saw. I wasn't crazy right? Right?