lost loves, found loves

Ten years later - 1936

"Well, this is so not how this was supposed to go," I laugh.

Loki grabs my wrist and pulls me behind himself. When we are running through the castle like that, it reminds me of all the times we used to run as children. Only this time, we are running from Fandral, who we have upset by turning his goblet into mice. I'm laughing out loud until Loki pulls me into a dark closet and presses his index finger to my lips. We are chest to chest, and I try not to think about it, but when I feel Loki's shuttering breath against my cheek, I close my eyes.

"Loki!" Fandral shots not far from where we are hidden. We can hear his footsteps but not see him. "Y/n!"

I hold my breath, and so does Loki, his finger still touching my lips. I look at him - the handsome man in front of me. He turns his head to look at me as well, and our eyes meet. I smile, and he takes his finger away, allowing me to speak. "Do you think he is-"

"Shh!" Loki says and puts his finger back where it was when we hear loud footsteps approaching us once again.

We can't be sure if it is Fandral or someone else, so we stay hidden just where we are. I chuckle, and so does Loki, the leather on our chests rubbing against each other.

This time, I am old enough to know what love is, and this is it. Loki is it. Thor would always be in my heart, I know that, but Loki is different. He is dark and cruel and mischievous and funny and... special. I have known him for years. He was the first best friend I have ever had. Thor never seemed pleased with the idea of me liking his brother. I don't know if it is because Thor himself likes me or because the quarrel between the two brothers has gotten worse since we were children. All I know is that Loki liked me back; we have just never found the right moment. But now, I am stuck in a dark closet with him, our bodies touching, and it seems like there is no moment more right than this one.

Loki seems to be thinking the same, which is why he bends his head down and leans even closer. My breath got stuck in my throat. I have been kissed before, but not by someone I really liked - not by Loki. I can feel his breath on my lips, and I lick them, hoping his would touch them soon. The young man raised his hand, but instead of putting it on my mouth again, he gently holds my jaw. He is so close to me, his nose grazes mine, and we-

"Brother!"

We snap apart, Loki moving so fast he hits the shelf with his back, and things fall to the floor. I freeze, trying to hold back my laughter, but when Thor aggressively pulled open the door to the closet, the need to laugh vanishes. Thor's expression darkens, a strand of his beautiful blonde hair falling into his face. He whispers my name in disbelief. Then suddenly, his disappointment turns into anger, and he grabs Loki by the collar.

"Done with the magic, set her free!" Thor says loudly. "Do it!"

Loki has a grin on his face that I know is only making things worse. I know that Loki enjoyed the fact that I voluntarily chose him even without being enchanted.

"Why are you grinning? Loki! What is so funny?" Thor is almost shouting.

"Thor," I say softly and take a hold of his now very muscular arm. "Thor, stop it, please."

"No, y/n! He has enchanted you! He is a trickster," the God of Thunder argues, but when he looks at me and sees my sincere expression, he lets go of his brother. "He did not?"

I slowly shake my head. "He did not." Thor's face shakes me to my very core, and I feel a pang of guilt in my stomach. "Thor, you knew. You knew I liked him..."

I don't get a reply. Thor storms off and through the large gates. I hear his footsteps in the distance until they finally vanish, too.

"I need to-"

"No, you don't," Loki breaks me off and tries to stop me, but I fight myself free and run after Thor.

Loki wouldn't let that stand, so he runs after me, shouting my name over and over. And again, it was like when we were children, the three of us hurrying through the palace as if nothing mattered but us.

"There you are!" Fandral says when he crosses our path, but Loki and I just storm past him. "Stop right now!"

Loki moves his hand and pushes the air, magically tipping Fandral over. I hurry further until I reach the giant doors to Thor's room. Loki catches up with me by then.

"Don't go in there," he says. "Please." Loki wasn't one for pleading and begging, so a simple "please" is already unusual to hear from him.

I freeze, my hand already on the golden doorknob. "I have to, Loki. Your brother is very dear to me, and I cannot stand to lose him. I need to speak to him and clear this up. Come to my room later. But knock," I add, knowing full well that Loki wouldn't knock.

Thor is sitting by the window when I open his door. He has almost reached adulthood, which makes it even more sad to see him sitting cross-legged like a toddler. Thor's arms and chest are strong, there was no doubt: he could lift me off my feet in one swift motion. That is just it - Loki could lift me off my feet as well but with magic. The two brothers are as different in their character and traits as they are in their looks, but that never bothered me. I love Loki's dark mysterious being, but I also love Thor's strong yet loving being.

"I'm sorry, Thor," I say and slowly step farther into the room until the prince finally looked up at me. "But you knew..."

"I know I knew," Thor says, "But I was never fine with it. Loki is... I'm-"

"Going to be king, I know," I finish his sentence with a smile. I have heard this sentence so many times. "And you need someone good to be your queen. Not me. Not someone who just an hour ago helped Loki scare Fandral half to death."

"So you were the ones he was shouting after," Thor says, and his face lights up.

I nod. "Yes. And I would do it again and again. Because it was fun. Doing bad things is fun, and I cannot be queen with an attitude like that."

"I understand. So you and my brother... who would have thought he was even capable of emotion, let alone such strong ones," Thor says.

I only shrug because I don't know how to answer that. Maybe Loki is having emotions. Maybe he isn't. No one could ever be sure of what Loki is feeling.

Later, he indeed knocks on my door before stepping in. I get up, but I do not walk towards him, and we do not touch. All we do is look at each other. Loki has had years of experience in not letting any emotion be seen in his eyes, and he is mastering that skill to excellence. I, on the other hand, am not. Loki must see the guilt and lust in my eyes, but he does nothing.

"You know I am not one to apologize, so when I say I'm sorry, I mean it," I say. Spending all these years with the Odinson brothers has taught me a lot: Loki taught me never to apologize and never to ask for any help. Thor taught me always to be strong and think of myself. So this was who I have become: someone who does things herself for herself.

"I know," Loki says. He sits down on my bed next to me but still far away so we can't touch.

"Thor is my friend, but you know that you are more than that to me, so why do you worry?"

"I do not worry," Loki replies sternly. "I am merely irritated. Do you not want me?"

I smile softly. It is ridiculous of Loki to even ask such a question. "Of course I want you."