Ina'lan'ehn Abelas

Chapter 1

A bre novena - A deep want
Ir abelas - I am sorry

This is also on AO3, if you want to read it there. I hope that everyone enjoys this. Thank you.

***

Abelas stood in front of his King, his friend, waiting. The summons had not been expected. He was just coming back from patrols through the city, mundane though they were. Conflict had been rampant after the Veil had been torn, although even that had been minimized throughout the last two years. The rebellion, if one could call it that, from the quicklings had swiftly and efficiently been dealt with. Most of the elves, now turned elvhen, once they realized that they were now free had celebrated the return of the Elvhenan. Fen'Harel's plan had been perfectly executed. Now the only trouble had been the occasional squabble. Gone were the times where there were slaves. Everyone now had a voice.

So, it came as a brief surprise that he should be summoned at all. He had become quite bored as of late, now that most things between the people were settled. He knew of no conflicts that should warrant his presence. He could tell that something weighed heavily on his king. Somber grey eyes stared unseeing through him; brows pulled forward in deep thought and mouth pinched in a scowl. No, this was no normal summons.

"My lord," he spoke, "you wished to speak to me?"

Eyes now steady, his king sighed, "Yes. How has our city faired?"

Now confused, Abelas said, "Nothing out of the ordinary... All has been quiet."

"Good... that's, good."

After a few more moments of awkward silence, his King spoke again, "Abelas, my friend, you have served me well, and before that, you had served Mythal just the same. Your sense of duty and loyalty are commendable. But I wonder... do you have everything you want?"

Shocked and caught off guard, Abelas spoke carefully, "My lord, I'm not sure what you mean."

Fen'Harel- no; he was Solas in this moment, looked at him full of sorrow, "I have often wondered, my friend, if I have done the right thing."

Stunned, he waited in silence.

"You know how The People have, and always will, be my duty. But where does duty end?"

There were no words to describe the pain that crossed his friends face.

"So, I ask again, Abelas. Besides your duty, has there been anything you have wanted? A bre novena?"

Alarmed with the turn of the conversation, he spoke, "My Lord- "

"Solas please. We are alone, my friend. There is no need for posturing here."

"...Solas. I have known no other life than that of duty. First to Mythal. Then to the Well, and now to you..."

"...And?" Solas asked.

"...Nothing has captured me beyond that of my duty."

Solas closed his eyes and sighed, "I was once like you. But there was a time, though brief, that almost swayed me from my duty..."

Surprised, he spoke his first though, "...The Inquisitor?"

He gasped when Solas opened his eyes. The pain, guilt and sorrow were so strong he almost stepped back.

"...Yes. Dhea was- she was at first a slight annoyance. Then, a mystery. Then... more. Did you know, I almost turned from The People in my blind love for her?"

He was shaken. Solas, Fen'Harel, had loved that shem?

With a knowing smirk, Solas continued, "But, I came to my senses. As much as I loved her, I had a duty to The People. I was selfish. I wanted both, and because of my selfishness, her heart broke. Torn to shreds by the Dread Wolf. Since then, she has endured. Lost."

More silence.

"Even after all this time, after everything that we have been through and everything that I have done, I love her. But I also know that my love is no longer enough, if it ever was. She'll never have me."

His mouth hung open, "...She lives?"

Solas scoffed, his irritation apparent, along with his guilt, "...I couldn't kill her."

Silence. It felt like an eternity until he spoke again, "Where is she?"

The guilt apparent on his face, the sorrow in his eyes betraying him, Solas spoke, "She is here. In the palace."

Frustrated, he asked, "And when was I to be informed of the prisoner? Am I not your general?"

Pride tsked, "She is not a prisoner. She has been free all this time."

Confused again, he said, "I have not seen her. If she is free, then where has she been?"

"Since... since the Veil, she has refused to come out of her quarters. She has but one servant to help her with her various needs but..." he waived his hand in desperate frustration.

"...Ir abelas, my Lord, but I am still confused on why you have summoned me here."

Solas stared hard at him, his jaw clenched, "I would like you to guard her."

Shock. He was in shock.

Noticing his friend's discomfort, Solas released his tension in one exhaled breath, and whispered brokenly, "She has become a shell Abelas. The once shining light that was her spirit is there no longer. She does not speak. She barely eats. She has even blocked me from her dreams. I... do not know what else to do. She will not see me. She will not hear me."

Silence.

"I know...I know I cannot take back what I have done. And nor do I want to, but I cannot stand her to be this way anymore. What better way than to have sorrow guard sorrow?"

"...So, I am to just... guard her? From who? Does someone want to cause her harm?"

Solas smiled sadly, "Just herself."

He did not know what to say. How was he to guard someone from themselves?

"If you want to think about this as a duty, the Well still resides in her. If you will not task this request as a friend, then I would like it to be an order to guard the Well, if nothing else."

Surprised, he asked, "She still has the Well?"

"The Well refused to leave her, my friend. We tried to put it back, but they are now one."

"But that is im- "

"Impossible, I know. But so much of this world has been thought to be impossible. What's one more?"

Pursing his mouth in concentration, "I will go."

Solas smiled, albeit sad, "Thank you, my friend. She resides in the far corner of the east wing. Last door on the right." He then stood slowly, his regal manner coming back to him in slow progress, "I know I can never be there for her. I know I can never love her as she needs. But I hope that, one day, she will forgive me. You are dismissed, Abelas."