ambivalent - nate jacobs

.012

i woke up with a banging sore head. i turned back round and saw a naked nate next me, i looked down and realised i was naked too. oh fuck, please tell me we didn't. like i have a crush on nate and we're very flirty but it's too complicated to ever do anything with him.

i climbed out off bed and picked up the hoodie i was wearing last night from the floor. i just let nate sleep, we can talk about this later i guess. i decided to grab my phone and message jordan so we can meet up and i can tell her. we decided to sit in a random park on a bench and talk. it was a sunday morning so no one was really out. we sat there for like hours and we made our way home around 4pm.

as i walked up the house i realised nates truck wasn't there. i walked into his room, no one was there. he must have went out. i went into his bathroom and took a shower when he was out. i got changed and decided to clean my room to pass some time. nate never came home, maybe he did and i never saw him.

i woke up the next day and i was late for school, great. i quickly got changed into an oversized tee and some jeans (pictured above). when i got to the school there was a cop car outside which was kind of weird but i just ignored it.

as i walked through the hallway to my class i saw nate, he was with marsha and cal. there was two officers behind him and i was so confused. i hasn't been in any classes today so i decided to just go up to marsha and start walking with her. "hey soph, we'll talk about this when we get home" she said to me when she wrapped her arms around me. nate turned to look at me but when he saw that i saw him he turned back around.

the car ride was dead quiet, all the way to the station, nate didn't even look at me. cal and nate went in for questioning and me and marsha sat in the waiting area. i didn't ask because i was honestly scared of the answer.

we went home after being in the police station for a while. cal and marsha just went into the living room and nate when up stairs, i followed after him. i went into his room and he didn't even look at me, it was like i was fucking invisible. "what the fuck happened nate, are you okay" i ask him with a genuine concern in my voice. he ignored me "are you fucking joking, look at me. i at least deserve that, or are you just going to pretend i don't exist" i scream at him with tears in my eyes.

"soph, don't start your bullshit right now" he said in a rough voice.
"my bullshit. are u kidding? we fucked and you've haven't spoke to me since. we have to at least talk about that, or was i just another fuck to you?" i make sure to be quiet but still aggressive.
"your right soph, you were nothing to me. get the fuck out of my room" he says staring in my eyes
"that is fucking bullshit and we both know it.  talk to me when you can admit to yourself that i am more to you than that" i say before slamming his door behind me. i feel heartbroken and i need drugs right now.