Chasing Death

Chapter 37

"There are moment's when we think of taking a step which we might regret forever. At that moment, we need one person, one person who can hold us back. Find that person and never let them go. "

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"So, Mrithun left," Holika said as soon as I had turned back from the threshold.

"When has he ever stayed at a place?" I shrugged.

"You seem to know him well?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Let's say we've talked a lot." I gave a polite smile. I didn't have to get over-friendly with Holika. But on the other hand, she was sheltering me for whatever favours she owed to Mrithun. I wondered for how long. It made me uncomfortable to be under someone's care in that way. But I had promised Mrithun that I wouldn't leave the house till he returned to me.

"Oh, nice. I'm glad to see him actually opening up to someone," Holika smiled. "Ever since I knew him, he has always stayed to himself. And he rarely stays at one place or with one person."

"Can't blame Death for being omniscient and omnipresent."

Holika said nothing after that. I wondered if she was just being friendly, but I was unnecessarily hypercritical of her. However, my thoughts had to be put on hold because we got busy making some kind of vegetable broth for dinner.

After dinner, I retreated to the room offered to me. The moment I closed the door, a strange sensation grasped me. My legs refused to move. And I sank to the floor right by the door. Fresh, warm tears erupted from my eyes. Everything was empty, the room, my heart, everything. I didn't hold back, but let the sobs get me.

Some days crying is cathartic and tears help lighten your soul. The tears came in jerks and heaves as I hugged myself and wept, wept for myself, for the situation, for life and for death. There wasn't a reason, and yet emotions hit me like a speeding train and blew me off track.

I didn't know for how long I had cried, of if I had been silent or maybe I had howled. Nobody had come to quieten me, and I kind of liked my solitude in tears.

When I finally got my strength back, I shuffled to the ornate mirror and looked at my reflection. Dried lines of saltwater were streaking down my cheeks. What a mess had I become in life? I had nothing. I killed the one I thought I loved. I gave up on life and came here in the pursuit of death, only to realise I couldn't die. And now Death himself had fallen in love with me, not to mention the strikingly handsome God of property whom I had rejected.

The more I thought about it, the less I liked it. I wasn't the kind of girl to stay hidden and just waste my existence in running away from people searching for me. I had invariably thought that me being chased was a possibility, owing to the fact that I had murdered Nikhit. But I had never imagined the chase would be in hell, and the punishment, eternal torture. I had always thought I would take my life before I got caught by the police.

Everything is so easy once you are a mortal — life and death. We take our life too much for granted and choose death as an escape so often. But once we sit down and think about everything logically, then they say there is a sun beyond the clouds. Had I jumped that day, I would have never met Mrithun. But then, wouldn't that be better than hiding away in a small house in hell for eternity? Was death the price I had to pay for freedom? But then how? I couldn't die. The entirety of my thoughts was jumbled in my mind, my head threatening to burst.

And for the first time in my entire time in the underworld, I began to doubt whether it was right for me to get close to Mrithun. Being with me only hindered his freedom. He deserved to be with someone powerful and truly immortal, not a glitch like me. If I stayed with him, his entire existence would revolve around trying to protect the most fragile immortal in the underworld. And I would have to live in the fear of eternal torture and whatever other forms of punishment criminals in hell were sentenced to.

Thoughts are like old stinky socks once they're stuck in some corner of your mind. I knew I needed to get out of there. The four walls were suffocating me.

I opened the door of my chamber quietly. The house was very still. A soft snoring sound came from the other room. It was like the gentle gurgling of a stream. When I was a child, my mother used to tell me stories of big Rakshasas who snored like thunder, to scare me to sleep. Those seemed frightening back then. But coming to the underworld, everything seemed so much milder and yet much scarier than any childhood fairytale.

I tiptoed to the door. The main hall was dark. I moved cautiously, afraid of hitting something and waking Holika up. The door felt rough under my hands. I realised I didn't know how to open it. I fumbled for a latch or a knob or chain. But there weren't any, though I had distinctly heard the clank of a chain being let down the first time Holika had opened the door. This also made me realise how everything in here was an illusion, changing, remoulding and shaping itself into whatever the inhabitants wanted it to be.

I concentrated on my mind, forming a mental picture of a doorknob. Then I threw my hands in the dark, scraping my fingers against the rough metal but landing on something round and smooth, a knob. I twisted it slowly in a hypnotized daze.

Freedom. I was one step away from freedom. It turned smoothly with a click, and a gust of wind hit my face. The smell of wet earth and salty rocks felt like a breath of life that I didn't know I needed. I put one foot outside the threshold. Free...finally free.

A big strong arm grabbed me and hustled me in. It was like a powerful gale and it threw me off balance. But it didn't feel foreign. The presence was all too familiar. It reminded me of a mother's lap and a father's shoulders, though my parents never had time to play with me. I wondered where I had felt that touch before, a touch that felt like terrible homesickness, like a hug that I didn't want to let go of. And the door slammed shut on my face with a thundering noise.

"Oh, girl what are you..."

There was a sound of shuffling sheets, a loud thud, and urgent footsteps. The lights came on suddenly and blinded me.

"You really have a death wish, don't you?" Holika frowned at me.

I blinked and squinted, still trying to identify who or what pushed me into safety. I was about to break my promise and make a terrible mistake by stepping out.

Still dazed, I got up and trudged to my room, with Holika following. She stood with her hands on her hips, almost like a mother chiding her child. I hung my head, having nothing to say. She stood there for a while. I stared at the floor, my head whizzing. Finally realizing that she wouldn't get an answer, she closed my door shut. I heard the latch slide. She had locked me from outside.

Captive again, but I was thankful. I really needed someone to lock me and my thoughts up.

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