nothing is wrong.

vent one

it's nothing. i'm just...nothing. i can barely move anymore, i'm sick and tired of everything. i just want to be me. i sit and cry through the pain in my limbs, i feel helpless. I want to tell my friends, but they won't help.
i
want
to
be
me.

i can't. my mom is everything i don't want to grow up as. i want to raise my kids with kindness with (some) discipline. but abuse..I will never do. helping is my specialty.
why can't you be grateful?

i
want
to
die.

is that it? yes. i thought of hanging myself multiple times, it's funny. seeing me dead,
i'm sick. it's killing me, literally. i hate myself. my body is so disgusting, wishing i could chop these fucking balloons off my chest.

i
want
to
be
a
boy.

respect me. my mom doesn't. she calls me a she/her and told everybody that i want to be called a he/him. it's funny. wanting to kill her is a urge, i know i'll get away with it.

i
want
to
be
stable.

can't you tell? i listen to uzi, of course i'm not okay. double homicide, i listen to juice. i love them both. knowing juice died made me even worse.

please
take
me
away.