How It Should Be

The Calm Before the Storm

'Okay on the count of 3, Meredith I need you to push as hard as you can. You're gonna have this over and done with as soon as possible if you just listen okay?'

The midwife tried reassuring me, as all I felt was pain and tension throughout my whole body. I hadn't even started pushing yet an already I was scared out of my mind. I'm the back of my thoughts, I constantly had this horrifying mindset that something horrendous was going to happen as soon as that child was brought into the world. I don't know where it came from or why it was there but I could not for the life of me shift it. Before I was ordered to proceed with the labour, I had to speak my mind. I couldn't do this without getting it off my chest.

I grabbed the back of Derek's neck with my other hand, seen as though he hadn't let go of my other since he first came in, and I pulled his ear to my mouth for a bit of intimacy. He could probably feel the nervousness through how shaky my hands and my voice were and the sheer panic that I was admitting. The jokes and sarcasm I was throwing out earlier, quickly vanished when things actually started to become real.

'What if she doesn't come out alive? What happens if she dies in my arms or we don't ever hear her cries?'

He looked at me, this time clenching my hand in his even tighter and placing his other hand on my cheek rubbing it with his thumb to comfort me. My eyes didn't immediately fix on his like they usually would when his blue eyes would pierce my soul, because they were wandering at everything and everyone in the room. I was looking at my stomach, then the midwife constantly examining my status, then the doctor who was there just in case as a result of what happened last time. Cristina who looked pale and frightened for some reason and then all the monitors beeping which I thought wouldn't faze me, but did in fact.

'Mer. Look at me. Hey, hey.' Derek tried catching my attention but failed.

'Meredith Shepherd.' He assertively said knowing that would definitely catch my focus and add a light hearted mood to the room.

'Nothing is going to happen to our daughter. You gonna be incredible and superhuman and deliver her safely. We're gonna hear her first cries and I'm going to cut her cord. Then the midwife, the fantastic midwife who helped deliver our miracle, will place her onto your chest and she's gonna suckle on your pinky and there we will have our perfect little family. You, me and her.' He effortlessly said and with so much truth and emotion behind it. He reassured me and calmed me, like he always had done and never failed to do.

'You've got this. I love you.' Derek kissed my lips and squeezed my hand as the midwife gave us the count of three.

'One... Two...'

*CRIES*

'Here's your baby girl.' Our midwife said to us smiling and placing her onto my bare chest for immediate skin to skin.

I instantly broke down in tears out of relief and comfort, pain and gratefulness. How in God's name I didn't know but I did the unthinkable. I delivered our child safely, and faster than I had even imagined it could go.

At this point the sobbing only grew more intense and I blamed them on the inevitable hormones but I'm pretty sure everyone knew that they were tears and cries of relief. Every ounce of fear and guilt, poured out of me. Derek cut her cord just like he'd said he would. She was on my chest just like he said she would be and there we were just me, him and her. And Cristina, who I was incredibly grateful was there.

I looked up at Derek with the most loving expression I think i've ever given and received the same back. I hadn't felt love like this. I never knew how much I would be able to love someone as much as I did these two and I never knew I could have love like this. I f someone told me 3 years ago that I would have just given birth to mine and my husband child, you best believe, I would've laughed in their face.

Derek bobbed his head to kiss baby's brand new forehead and as he did, I whispered into his ear,

'Thankyou for giving me what I didn't know I could have.' His soft lips met mine and then I placed the love from him onto our daughters delicate, precious cheek. She scrunched her face up as I did, and Derek automatically said,

'Ah shes stubborn, just like her mama. And she scrunches her nose exactly the same.'

The room cracked into a small laughter, clearing the air of any bad, scared vibes. I was in awe of her. Pure love and overwhelming amounts of joy.

Her face resembled the both of us. She had Derek's chubby cheeks and petite lips. His jet black hair had been thankfully passed down the genes and then we knew she was gonna have great hair just like him. Everything about her was perfect and when she initially opened her eyes, it was slightly visible that she has one green eye and one blue eye. She was the perfect mixture of us both.

All I could feel on my skin was the soft, newborn touch of hers and the smell of newborn was well and truly my new favourite smell. Through all the excitement and joy of having her in our lives right now, I hadn't even thought about the pain or the fact that I still had a midwife at the end of my bed. I looked up to find a horrifying scene. My face dropped. Derek started asking 101 question and no one was giving us answers. Everyone, the doctor, 3 nurses and 2 midwives were all gathered round and I moved my leg the slightest to see if I could see a thing but all I saw was what looked like excessive amounts of blood covering the entire bed, the sheets, the pads and dripping off the edge of the bed onto the floor. I passed Derek the baby as my head started to spin and my eyes rolled to the back of my head. Then everything went blank.