The Single Mother

Chapter 19- Talla Knight: Panic Attack

Technically, I had been in this arranged engagement with Phoenix for two-and-a-half months already; however, over the course of the past couple of months, it never really registered that I was engaged, probably because I still had minimal to do with Phoenix on a daily basis.

Despite the fact that I was still getting to know Phoenix, when he got down on one knee and produced the leather b ring box from his suit pocket, the tears that glazed over my eyes was from pure excitement – I was a young woman who had dreamed of this day since she was five.

The crowd erupted in cheers as Phoenix graciously got off his knee and placed an expensive engagement ring on my finger. I knew without even properly taking the ring into account that it was gorgeous and probably worth more than I will ever make in my lifetime.

As the crowd's cries of enthusiasm died down, the extravagant firework display that my parents assisted in organizing began, with bright blues, reds, purples and greens exploding loudly in the air. The longer the fireworks display continued, the more concerned I got for my baby, who was still in the arms of the nanny that my parents hired to assist them while they worked. Other than the nagging voice in the back of my mind ushering me to chase down my parents, I was having a pleasant time with Phoenix beside me tonight. As a matter of fact, that last time I was having this much fun was around three years ago, which unfortunately happened to be the night I was raped.

Just the thought of the fateful night that completely changed my future three years ago put a damper on my, otherwise cheerful, mood. My tendency to overthink situations has taken a serious hold of my life and, I have deduced, that it contributes towards my negative mental health problems. Although I have never been to a psychiatrist to determine what's wrong with my mental well-being, I was nearly certain that I suffered from the occasional panic attack when everything became too much for me to handle.

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Phoenix and I hadn't left the makeshift stage since the firework display had begun. The nagging feeling in the back of my mind still insisted that I should be amongst the crowd looking for my daughter and parents. The voice inside my head became so loud that I couldn't help but turn my attention towards the crowd.

It was hard to spot certain people within the crowd due to how large the event was, and even though I had an advantage being on the stage, I was almost certain that my parents had disappeared inside or sent the nanny babysitting my daughter home without me being able to kiss her goodnight.

Just the thought of my daughter being sent to my parents' house without me saying goodnight made me feel cold to the core and sent my heart racing. Lately, I felt as if I was losing my daughter to my parents, and she was one of the only people I truly cared about.

"Talla?" Phoenix whispered in my ear, his hot breath fanning the side of my face and neck. "Are you okay? You've been staring at the crowd for a while now and I've noticed you've been shaking... are you cold?"

Truth be told, the ear splitting whistling and banging of the fireworks was becoming unbearable and causing my head to spin.

"I-I-I..." I was trying to force the words out of my mouth, but they just came out as pathetic wheezes.

Phoenix's warm hand enclosed around mine with a slight squeeze. It was the first time in my entire life where I had been comforted when feeling this way.

"Remember to breathe Talla." Phoenix softly chided, tucking a stray piece of hair behind my ear. "Just look at me and breathe in... and out...in... and out."

Despite the fact that Phoenix was gently whispering the breathing instructions, to me, it sounded like waves crashing against a cliff during a storm. Slowly, but surely, my breathing became less erratic and the tremors that were rocking my body stilled. My body felt weak, and my head pounded from my mini meltdown – I was in desperate need of water and Panadol.

"Do you need some water Talla?" Phoenix soothed as his thumb rubbed circles on the back of my hand. I didn't even need to say anything for Phoenix to understand that water and some form of medication was exactly what I needed right now.

I was promptly guided into the empty kitchen and was requested by Phoenix to take a seat at one of the stools around the kitchen island. Although the water was room temperature, it still managed to cool my flushed face and made my skin feel a tad less sticky.

"You still look pale. Are you feeling better?" Phoenix questioned, with a small sympathetic smile playing the corner of his mouth.

"I'm feeling a lot better than I was five minutes ago." I stated truthfully, with a shrug of my shoulders.

"You sure? That was a pretty intense panic attack back there, I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to have a nap or some Panadol after that."

It took a second for me to register that Phoenix was aware that I had just had a panic attack. Now that I thought about it, I didn't recall telling him that I suffered from panic attacks or how I typically calmed down when I was feeling overwhelmed – which led me to question how did he know...

"How did you know what to do?" I faintly asked Phoenix, who was leaning his forearms against the counter across from where I was perched on the stool.

I got the sense that my question had slightly caught Phoenix off guard because he was silent for a couple of minutes before he answered.

"After Nathan died..." Phoenix cleared his throat and tried to finish his sentence. "After Nathan died my Mum went to a psychologist because she kept having panic attacks, however her attacks were a lot worse than yours, and she had to go on medication."

"Is... is Carmen alright now?" I sheepishly asked, and was relieved when Phoenix nodded his head. "Are you okay Phoenix?"

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Hey everyone! Thanks for waiting patiently for this chapter, I know it's been awhile since I've last updated.

If you enjoyed this chapter please comment, add it to your reading lists, vote and share it with your friends - any support is greatly appreciated. Have a lovely morning/afternoon/evening/night and stay tuned for updates about the next chapter.

Also, I can't believe we've almost reached 20,000 reads since the last time I've updated, this is absolutely mind blowing to me!

-C.J Todd