Deeper Than Wrath

Ronan: A Home Lost and A Home Found

My father and I had never been on the best of terms, but especially when his business started requiring more time from him. He would always be out of the house, in meetings, filing paperwork while I was being trained by his assistant to take over the company. Formalities one day, memorizing ways to reduce our taxes, networking with other kids of business owners like my father. Every day the same old story, lesson after lesson, after lesson. I guess it wasn't all bad, if I wanted almost anything it would be handed to me. I was always told I'd never have to work for anything, just stay in line and keep the business steady and I'd be set for life. But even with all of the lessons, I had no idea what I was doing, and even the other kids I had networked with only pretended like they did. We were all just as lost as our parents whenever they started building from the ground up, because even though they promised to teach us all they could, they never took a break from their work to focus on teaching us.

This had pissed me off so eventually I went to my dads office at the end of Thursday evening to discuss it with him, albeit cautiously as my inheritance was on the line.

"Sir?" I had always been trained to address him formally, never by father or any variation of it, which did our already disintegrating relationship no favors.

"What is it Ronan? I need to wrap up this paperwork before tomorrow." He kept his eyes on his pen ad he spoke, not even looking up to acknowledge me, although our relationship had always been strained, it was still a bit better when mom was still around.

"I wanted to speak with you about how I'm learning to take over the company... and I feel like-" finally he looked up from his desk to interrupt me.

"Ronan you disturbed me because you feel some type of way?" He clutched his face sliding his hand into the position of pinching his nose, he must be even more tense right now than usual.

"And as for your 'learning to take over the company' my assistant should be handling that and any questions you have. So do you want something?" He started staring me in the eyes, it was hard to tell if we was actually expecting an answer or if the question was rhetorical, but at least I have his attention.

"I don't think that I've learned anything about properly managing this business, I hardly even know what it's about. So I need you to teach me!" My father stood up from his desk, the combination of his frustration with work and mild annoyance with me causing him to boil over.

"You know I don't have time for that, let alone right now and still you disrupt my work with your ridiculous accusations and requests? You want to learn how to manage the family business? How about I kick you out tomorrow morning and you can figure it out yourself!" My father's face had gone red as I looked at the floor to hide the pain on my face. This wasn't the first time he'd made threats like this, but it was the first time it felt real.

"Well are you just going to stand there or are you going to let me finish my work?" This time the question was clearly rhetorical, as I apologized and left the room, walking upstairs to head to my room before I lost my grip on my facial expressions.

Finally when I got to my room I sat at the foot of my bed still in shock. My father was the only person I ever acted timid around, mostly out of self defense so things didn't get worse. A photo sat on my dresser in front of me, a photo from when I was younger and when my mom was still around. She had always been very kind to me, but it was obvious she wasn't happy married to my father. One day she got sick and they had to take her to the hospital, but she never came back. I wasn't allowed to go see her because apparently she was extremely contagious.

The photo was a reminder of bittersweet memories when it came to her. There were many nights where I'd take the picture frame and sleep next to it, just to have her close to me. I hadn't felt remotely safe, or even really happy, since the day she died. Tonight was one of those nights where I took the photo from its reserved spot for a piece of comfort. I just needed her to be close, even if she was farther than I could reach.