Voices

- Chapter One -

-"what am I doing here?"

Why was I wandering in the streets, barefooted and in my pajamas, in the middle of the night?
The streets were empty, I guessed it was probably really late.

I didn't remember how I ended up here. Was I sleepwalking? I couldn't even remember the moment I fell asleep.
The last thing I could remember was me washing the dishes, and then, nothing.

I put my hands in my pockets, in hope to find my phone. Unfortunately, both of my pockets were empty. I didn't have my phone, neither my keys.
How the hell was I going to go home? I wasn't even able to call a locksmith.

-"Ah.. Fuck.."

My last hope was my best friend, Jisung.
Thankfully, I wasn't that far from his place, only about a 15 minutes walk.

Thanks God, the light from his bedroom was turned on as I reached his place.
I rang the bell 4 times in a row, the way I always did, so he would know it was me.
After a while, the door finally opened.
-"hey, what are you doing here so late?! Are you alright?"

He let me in, checking me out. I could see he was seriously worried, a concerned frown appearing on his face. I instantly felt guilty for coming there. "Yeah, you better feel guilty." "Look how annoying you are, you should have left him alone." "He probably will end up hating you." No, why would he hate me? I make no sense. He's been my friend for years. "You don't deserve to have friends like him." Shut up!

-"why are you wearing your pajamas? And no shoes?"
-"I.. I don't know.."

He led me to the kitchen, waving at the chair at the counter for me to sit as he started heating some milk to make us hot chocolate.
-"what do you mean, you don't know?"
-"I just don't know what happened Jisung.. I was doing the dishes, and the minute after I was in the streets, wearing these clothes.."

"Why did you tell him?" "You're just a crazy bitch!" Oh please, brain, shut the fuck up!

-"maybe you're sick and you were hallucinating?"
He came closer, putting his hand on my forehead to check my temperature.
-"you don't seem sick though.."
-"I don't think I'm sick.. I feel ok.. I don't really don't know what happened.."
-"what about sleepwalking? Perhaps you were really tired and you fell asleep at some point and just don't remember?"

He filled two mugs with the hot chocolate he just made and handed me one.
-"thank you.. Mhm I thought about sleepwalking, but I don't remember falling asleep.."

He nodded.
-"is this the first time it happens?"
-"yes it's the first time.. And I've been feeling weird lately, to be honest.."
-"what do you mean?"

"Don't tell him about us!" "Yeah, you better keep your slutty mouth shut about us!" I won't tell him, but please go away! "HAHA we'll always be with you. We are your true friends, unlike him." Go away!!!

His hand on my shoulder brought me back to reality.
-"hey.. Can you tell me what's wrong?"
-"I don't know.. I've been feeling a bit off.. I feel exhausted, I have troubles focusing.. I feel like I'm losing my mind.."

He patted my back softly.
-"you're probably very tired, you've been overworking yourself these past few months, not getting enough sleep, pressuring yourself too much.. I think this would be a great idea to give yourself some rest."

I nodded.
-"I guess you're right.. But I have so many things to do.."
-"I know you do, but I also think your health is more important than anything else. You need to take better care of yourself."

I glanced down, shamefully.
-"you're right.. I'm sorry for bothering you, Jisung.."

He pulled me into a hug.
-"you're never bothering me. But I lov- I mean, you're my best friend, so I worry and care about you."

I hugged him back, laying my head on his shoulder.
-"thank you for being here.. I'm sorry for making you worry about me.."
-"it's ok, you don't need to apologize, all you need is to take better care of yourself, alright?"

I nodded.
-"I'll try to rest more, I promise."

He pulled away from the hug as I grabbed the mug and drank a sip of warm chocolate.
-"thank you Ji', I mean.. You are always so caring, you always know how to make me feel better."

He smiled at me.
-"no need to thank me, I'm always happy to help you, in any possible ways."

After that, we finished our hot chocolate and headed to bed.
We had the habit to share his bed. Actually, I had to admit I liked it. He was always cuddly with me, and affectionate, and sometimes that was what I needed the most. He was making me feel a bit safer.. Well, from the outside world, at least. But he wasn't able to shut down my inner demons.

"You don't deserve a friend like Jisung" "He's not even your friend, can't you see he's using you?" "You're lying to him, and to yourself. Stop pretending he's just your friend." Shut up!! SHUT THE FUCK UP, BRAIN!! "You'll regret it. You'll regret being his friend." "He's just gonna use you, take all your money, take your pride and leave you." "But that's all you deserve, you slut!"

-"shut up, please... Just shut up!"
-"w-what? I didn't say anything.."
-"u-uh..? I'm sorry, I was falling asleep.. I don't know why I said that.."

He tightened his hold around me, caressing my hair and humming a sweet melody until I eventually fell asleep.