Voices

- Chapter Two -

Jisung and I had planned on going to the restaurant for lunch and spend the afternoon in the park as the weather was nice.

My doorbell rang. He was early, as always I thought, as I went to open the door.
-"yooooo! How are you? Ready to get your ass out of here?"
I laughed, rolling my eyes.
-"I'm ready, let's go! I hope you picked a good restaurant!"
-"you know me, my taste in food is amazing and I only know good restaurants!"
-"mhm.. Well, that's true." I said giggling.

We left my place to the restaurant.
-"wow you chose this pizzeria! I've heard a lot of good things about this place!"
-"I told you, I only know good restaurants!"
-"but how did you do? I mean.. You have to take a reservation weeks before, it's always crowded!"
He laughed.
-"I did ask for a table about 2 weeks ago actually."
-"really? But why you only told me 3 days ago? What if I wasn't free?"
He shrugged.
-"well.. I'd have cancelled my reservation."

That was a little weird, but I didn't insist.
-"so, which pizza will you be having?"

"Are you really going to eat one whole pizza?" "You look so fat already." "You need to lose weight, you fat pig." Please.. It's been almost 2 days since I ate something.. Let me eat! "You are fat and ugly, do you really think anyone would want to date you, looking the way you do?" Please, leave me alone.. "Slut" "Fat" "Pig" "Fat cow" "You piece of shit"

-"hello? Are you there?"
-"u-uh..? Y-yeah.. I don't know.. I'm not so hungry anymore.."

He frowned, putting his hand on top of mine.
-"I know you don't like when I'm nagging, but you lost weight these past few weeks, and I don't know.. You've changed.. I'm worried about you."

"Do you see what you're doing to him?" "He's worried about you, but you don't deserve anyone's worries." "But you're so fat!" "I'm sure he'll love you even more when you'll be thin, thin and in a coffin." Leave me alone! Shut up! GO AWAY!

-"you shouldn't be worrying about me, Jisung. I'm perfectly fine."
-"please don't get mad.. Of course I should worry about you. You're like my other half, we met at 5, you know me better than I know myself, and I think I also know you kinda well..and I noticed you're changing.. And I'm worried.. So please, tell me what's happening.."

I bit on my bottom lip as tears started forming in my eyes.
"You're so weak!" "So pathetic."
-"I don't know what's happening Jisung.. It's just getting worse.. I'm sorry for making you worry.. I'm so pathetic.. I don't deserve to have you as a friend.." "This is the first time you say something true! Finally, you get it!"

-"stop speaking nonsense. Of course you deserve to have me as a friend! So please, tell me what's getting worse? What's happening?" He wiped with his thumbs the tears I blinked away.
-"I don't know.. I really feel like I'm losing my mind.. I got 2 weeks off from work because I wasn't being myself.."
-"what do you mean, not being yourself?"
-"I don't remember.. But my coworkers told me I was just sitting on my chair, staring at my laptop for hours and talking to myself.."
-"wow.. This is really serious.. Did you see a doctor?"

I nodded.
-"I did.. He told me that was probably because I don't sleep enough, so he gave me some sleeping pills.. But honestly, I feel like it got even more worse.. My amnesia is even more frequent, sometimes I 'wake up' with some scratches on my arms, or so.. So I stopped taking the sleeping pills."
-"I think maybe you should try to see another one.. This is really not normal and you could end up hurting yourself.."
I nodded.
-"I'll try to have an appointment soon.."

He nodded, caressing softly the back of my hand.
-"please, let's eat something.. Let's at least share a pizza together?"
-"o-ok.. Let's share one.."

"You shouldn't be eating pizza." "This isn't healthy and full of fat." "You'll only get fatter." Please let me eat just 2 slices.. I promise I won't eat more.. "You fat addict!" I just need to eat to survive..
"Fat whore!"

-"yo! Did you hear me?"
-"w-what?"
-"I just asked you, which pizza would you like to have?"
-"I-I don't know, take the one you want, I don't care."

He stared at me a few seconds. I could see how concerned he was.
I smiled softly at him, in hope to reassure him.
He patted my hand, a small smile appearing on his face.
-"what about a pizza with meat?"
I nodded.
-"yes, it sounds good to me."
-"let's go for it then!"

A waiter finally came to take our order, and about 20 minutes later, our food was served.

Finally, the voices allowed me to eat more than two slices. Jisung didn't say anything, but he only took one slice and ordered another one. I could guess he was relieved.. And so was I, to be finally able to eat my first meal in two days.

We had a good time, and I was happy to feel like myself again, even though I knew it wouldn't last long.
________

-"I'm sorry, I have something to do.. Will you be ok if I don't walk you home?"
I giggled.
-"of course, Ji! I can go home by myself."
He pulled me into a hug and left a tender kiss on my forehead.
-"take care and call me if anything happens!"
-"it's 2PM Ji, I'll be fine, don't worry too much!"
He smiled at me, but I still could see that cloud of worries within his eyes. I patted his arm.
-"go now, or you'll be late!"
He nodded.
-"ok, just text me when you're home, ok?"
-"I promise I will! See ya!"
He stared at me a few seconds as I started walking away, waving at him.

"You are so fucking pathetic." "Why don't you just kill yourself?" "Get lost." "You are so fat." "You look like a piece of shit." "Jisung would never ever fall for a girl like you." "He's way too good for you." "Look at yourself, you're nothing, you're no one." "Why did you eat an entire pizza? Don't you think you look fat enough?" "And these clothes don't suit you. Why didn't you listen to me?"

What the hell.. It's night already? And where the hell am I?

I grabbed my phone in my bag. What the hell?! 9:02PM?! It was 2PM like 2 minutes ago.. How did that happen? I don't even know where I am.

I checked on Google Maps. I was 2 hours away from my home, and no idea of how I ended up here. I sighed.

I had 20 texts from Jisung and 10 missed calls, he was probably really worried.. I sent him a text to let him know I was alright, but of course I didn't tell him what happened, he would just worry even more and that wasn't needed.

After these few texts, I ordered a cab and finally got home.