A Little Bird Called Magpie

CHAPTER FIVE

  Days of nothing but planning and reflecting pass by. I'm sitting down on my couch, drawing some more designs, when suddenly, I hear a knock on my door. I get up and go to the door. It's Agatha. Doesn't she have better things to do? I open the door and smile. "Agatha! What are you doing here?" 

  "I just wanted to stop by! What happened the other day, that was brave. I wanted to see how you were holding up." She replied. I don't want anyone to interrupt me, but I guess I'm supposed to be polite.

  "Oh, I appreciate it. Come on in! I was just designing some things here and there to pass the time. Do you want coffee? Water?" I tell her.

  "Oh no, I'm fine." Agatha replies. She walks and I close the door. I show her the sofa and say, "Please, sit down. If you want. I was just working on something, you know, to distract myself." Agatha and I sit next to each other. "Oh, can I see?" She asks. Unfortunately, it wouldn't be wise at all to show her part of my plan. I really wish I could show off but, "I want to show you, but I'd prefer to do so when I'm one hundred percent done," I tell her. "Okay. I'm sure whatever it is, it'll be way better than your boots. Which were already great!" She says.

  I'm not sure what to say. I'm remembering what happened all those days ago. "Look, Maggie, what happened the other day, I don't blame you. They all deserved it. They really do. But… the way you went about it. The things you said. It's concerning to me." Agatha says. What is she getting at? I'm not sure what to make of it. "And I think you could use some help. My sister, she's a therapist. I really think someone like her could help you. And I mean this as your friend…" She continues. I'm confused. What was it that she witnessed that day? Does she think I'm crazy? She was there when Jeremy Louis came to my desk because he wanted to have a word with me. "What's wrong with me, Agatha?" I ask. "There's nothing wrong with you! Look, I see you every day coming into work, not wanting to work, not wanting to socialize. You just looked like you were inside your own bubble, scared of it getting popped. When you acted out the other day… It's like you weren't scared of the bubble getting popped! instead you were clawing at everything in its proximity! Maggie, that's not good. I don't think you or I want that to happen again." Agatha tells me. I don't know what she's talking about. When I did what I did the other day, it felt right. I'm not letting anyone tell me otherwise. Not even Agatha. 

  "I'm sorry, I don't think I need help. I'm fine, Agatha." I say. "I'm serious, getting help never hurts." She says. "I'm serious too." I say. Agatha isn't looking at me, she's looking up at the ceiling. "Agatha, look at me." She looks at me, and I say, "I'm fine. Really, I'm fine." Agatha looks insincere. I don't know how else to explain it. It's a face I've never seen her make before. Now she seems serious, or maybe it's a look of disappointment. She stands up and walks towards the door. "I'm sorry. I'll just… see you at work, okay?" She opened the door. "See you at work." I tell her as she leaves. I close the door and stand there. I wonder what just happened. Agatha thinks that I'm crazy, doesn't she? That I'm in the wrong? So be it. I feel better than ever. 

  I'm ready to kill Jeremy. I just need to wait until my nails are ready. I already have the bombs and my glasses. I also have to sew what I've been working on. It'll be marvelous.

  Today is the day I get back to work. I'm wearing jeans with a sweetheart neckline shirt and an unbuttoned black varsity jacket. My idea of not bringing attention to myself. I enter the building, I see the security guard looking, no, staring at me. Well, fuck him. I get to the elevator, the doors close, I pick the floor number. I wait in silence, the doors open again. I walk out into the white hallways that lead to work. I open the glass doors at the front and continue walking. I pass by people at their tables and cubicles. They all glance at me as I pass by. I can feel their eyes judging me. I can't overstate how much I hate this feeling. Every set of eyes is like a needle piercing through my body. Damn it, I can feel their eyes! They're still staring at me! I get to my cubicle and get my little gems so I can stare at them. I still feel them. I feel the eyes at the back of my head. I look to my left, Agatha isn't here yet. I don't know if I can work like this. It just won't go away. I feel anxious. I feel hurt. I feel like I'm being crushed. Suddenly, I hear my name.