Your Immature Drama Queen Girlfriend

Morning

I ended up falling asleep in the Slytherin dorms sometime near midnight. It was around eight when I woke up to find Pansy applying glittering rainbow eyeshadow, as promised. It looked really good, honestly, and I told her so.

"Thanks, 'Mione." Her reflection smiled at mine. "I might do it more often, it's just easier to play it safe."

"Most girls wouldn't consider black lipstick, enormous smokey-eyes, and dagger-sharp wings to be anything less than daring," I commented.

"Not the style, the color. Rainbows and what they represent are frowned upon here, almost as much as non-blood purity." She finished dusting the purple on the inner corners of her eyes and stood back, taking in the look.

I didn't really know what to say. It horrified me, honestly, these Slytherin beliefs and how casual they were about being outcasts. It was impressive nonetheless.

My stomach grumbled at that moment, softly, but audibly. I looked away embarrassedly. "Breakfast?" Pansy suggested.

"That sounds excellent," I agreed. "Should we eat in the kitchens?"

She nodded and walked with me out of the dungeons.

"Will your friends be worried?" She asked as we entered the main kitchen.

"Probably, but they don't tend to wake up before eleven on weekends. I'll make up some excuse for not coming back to the dorms last night."

"Alright then. Down to business."

"... To defeat the Huns," I murmured half-consciously.

"Did they send me daughters?" Pansy smirked. "When I asked for sons?"

I stared, openmouthed. "You know muggle movies? Muggle animated children's movies?"

"Don't ruin my reputation, Granger," Pansy warned, a teasing glint in her eyes.

I held up my hands in surrender. "Just. Wow."

She smirked, and her eyes sparkled. "Anyway. Drarry?"

"The fuck is Drarry?" A house elf handed me a blueberry muffin. Out of habit, I smiled, and broke off a piece for them.

"Ya know, Draco and Harry. Ship name," Pansy explained.

"You, Pansy Parkinson, are secretly a dork." I gestured at her with my muffin. She broke a piece off for herself, popping it into her mouth, and I made a mock-offended face.

"Don't go spilling my secrets." Her face became more serious suddenly, and I was reminded of all their family troubles that they had confided in me last night. No wonder she was a little anxious. The moment passed though, and she smiled easily again.

"So Potter and Weasley are over, right?" She asked, her mouth full again with my(!) blueberry muffin.

"Yeah," I agreed. "After the war, Ginny kind of realized that she didn't want a big chosen one or his fame, and she had never liked him as much as the idea behind him. He liked her, but they had drifted apart after the war, so when school started up they just called it quits. They're still friends, though."

"That's good. But does Potter like boys? That's the real question."

"I don't know. It's pretty clear that both he and Ginny are bi, he just never explicitly came out. I think because it was always frowned upon by the Dursleys and he's afraid of our reactions. He's almost definitely had crushes on boys, though. Ron's oblivious to the whole ordeal, of course. But I caught Harry checking out Cedric on multiple occasions, as well as Draco, actually, and Bill."

"Ron's older brother?" Pansy made a face.

"Agreed. I mean, he's attractive, but in a different league than Harry."

"He has checked out Dray though," She affirmed.

"Yes, in sixth year when we were making amortentia."

"No! That's so cliche."

"Yes. I legitimately wanted to write a fanfiction about it. He, like, sniffed it for a really long time, and you could see this whole range of emotions on his face, confusion, anger, denial, annoyance, and it settled on this like embarrassed acceptance and he was blushing so hard. And then he was not-so-subtly glancing over at Draco like he was mentally taking a picture."

"Aww, adorable. What do you think is stopping him from talking about his feelings?"

"His pride. It's pretty weird to fall in love with your archrival, especially if one's a Slytherin and one's a Gryffindor, especially if they're both boys. And Harry's like the Golden Boy Chosen One Savior of the World and Malfoy's the child of a Death Eater."

"True. Do you think they need a push, or just time?" She asked thoughtfully.

"A push, definitely. They're both far too stubborn otherwise," I decided.

"Well, then. Should we push them into some meeting, or something bigger? Truth or Dare with everyone? Mistletoe?"

"I'd like to veto truth or dare, because the pride thing would get in the way, especially since it'd be in front of everyone. Mistletoe sounds great, another cliche though."

"Well, Christmas hols are in a few weeks, so that's plausible. Can we make one of those enchanted ones that, like, tie the people down until they kiss?" A small smirk played across her mouth. I watched her lips for a little too long, and the smirk grew.

I pinked a little and ducked my head. "You've got this all figured out, haven't you?"

"I'm not a Slytherin for nothing."

"Damn right." I paused for a moment, taking another muffin. "So, do you know a spell, or will we have to find or make one?"

"Some research will be needed; I don't know any enchantments like that."

"Probably something like Devil's Snare, right? Since the way to get rid of that is relaxing, we could alter it to get rid of it with kissing, take away the fatality, and connect it to a mistletoe. Easy peasy."

"How did you not end up in Ravenclaw, again?"

I smiled. "The hat took ages to decide. I think the only reason I'm not a Ravenclaw is because I value courage more than intelligence, and that goes into account."

"Huh. Neat. Do you want help researching?"

"That would be great. I think the researching will be easy, but the execution could be a bit tricky and I'm not the best for practical work."

"I shall be your hamster then," she said dramatically.

I snorted. "I think you mean guinea pig."

"What's the difference?"

"Size, shape, and name."

"Why are they called guinea pigs anyway? I'm pretty sure they are neither actual pigs, nor from Guinea."

"Why is Hogwarts called Hogwarts?" I countered. "A good synonym is Pigzits."

"Wow. How did I never even question that?" she giggled. "Off to Pigzits we go."

"Or Boarpimples."