A Stroll

Loyal Anxiety.

She plopped herself in her gaming chair and breathed out a big sigh. So much for taking a walk. She could go now, but then she would have to deal with the constant worry someone is judging her or worse following her.

She liked walking with her dog Pumpkin because she could protect her if she needed, Pumpkin was a big blonde female dog, she was very loyal and she knew people well. She liked walking with Pumpkin because of the fact she would be able to smell a bad person from miles away and warn her to not go further. Besides her being a good dog like that she was also quite beautiful, she had champagne coloured fur and was big and strong.

When she walked with her she always felt better about herself and when they stared as she and Pumpkin walked past she didn't mind as much as she would by herself, mostly due to her convincing herself they were looking at the dog and not her. This made her a little less anxious which she treasured.

She had always had anxiety, not Pumpkin her dog, but her herself. She was diagnosed from her friends mother who was a nurse, she knew she wasn't lying because that same friend had anxiety and took pills for it. Her friends grandmother also had it along with depression so her friends mother knew the mental illnesses too well.

When she first encountered her when she went for a sleepover at this friends house, she was extra anxious that day and almost had a panic attack about meeting the family. She remembered it like it only happened a couple hours ago, she could still hear the thoughts that raced through her mind whenever she thought about it,

you're being so dramatic!

They'd say,

stop being so weird about it! It's not going to do anyone any good and you'll end up loner! Cut the drama already! 

She felt her hands shake as she remembered her mother speaking the same words, but she recalled how she introduced herself to her friend's family, her mother being so kind, so lovely. Making her feel at home and welcomed like she was her other daughter.

She smiled, the shaking stopped in her hands and she remembered the warmth of her body in the hug she was encased in by the nurse. She wasn't very good friends with the friend anymore, but she still visited her mother, feeling as if she was a part of the family.

It made her smile.

She remembered that night she was panicking because she forgot her toy bunny, Mr Bunny, a cliché name but he did the job of helping her sleep and feel calm. Her friend got her Mum to help her, giving her medication and telling her she might have anxiety. After, she lit a salt lamp to help her breathe before she slept and her friend cuddled her and held her hand as she went to sleep.

She was so kind... she doesn't understand why they drifted apart though.

They were best friends, almost sisters.

Sisters... Sisters...

She frowned thinking about her. She shook it off and leaned forward towards her desk. She looked at the empty black screens and shook her mouse to wake them up. Staring at the screen in front of her, she recalled again the lovely Mother-like nurse that she knew, smiling to herself as she thought about her.

She never trusted anyone. That was her rule for herself, trust no one. Look after everyone of course, and be kind, but trust no one.

But if it came down to it... if it came down to her and that nurse, she would bend her rule just a little. She liked her, and she thought she could be trusted, not with much... but she could be. After all, without her, her mother wouldn't of known she had anxiety in the first place. She would've had it a lot harder if that wasn't the case.

Loyalty is very special to her, she thought for a moment.

Loyal anxiety, not leaving her for so many years. Anxiety is loyal. She would appreciate that if it weren't the fact it was anxiety. She frowned once again.

Loyal anxiety... Loyal... Anxiety...

Weirdly, it went together smoothly.