living on a fault line || Jensoo

Chapter 11

"Deep breath."

Jennie has always hated injections.

Even now, as a grown woman, it's hard to keep still when she knows what's coming. She flinches at the sudden cold the alcohol-drenched cotton leaves behind.

"Here we go."

Jennie closes her eyes as she feels the needle pierce her skin. She swears she can feel the anesthesia flowing through her flesh, feels the burn of it as the doctor presses down on the plunger.

And then the needle is gone, but the pain doesn't leave.

"Tell me when it's numb, all right Jennie?" The woman touches her shoulder softly, and offers her a sympathetic smile. At least Jennie can't complain about bedside manner.

She looks down at herself. She's a little cold from the hospital gown she's wearing. She frowns slightly at the blue paper sheet draped over the top of her body. It's a little strange, to have part of her breast exposed trough a single hole in it, but she's not embarrassed. Breastfeeding Charlie in public gave her a confidence she hadn't ever felt in regards to that.

Little by little, she notices the pain of the injection fade away into nothing as the anesthesia does its work. Soon enough she can barely feel half of her chest.

"It's numb," she tells the doctor.

"Everything asleep?"

Jennie nods.

"All right. You won't feel most of it," the doctor tells her. "The needle is far scarier to look at than what it feels like."

Jennie doesn't answer. How would she know that? Plus, she doesn't like being coddled. She's a doctor, too.

"I've been where you are," the doctor tells her, and Jennie grimaces to her insides. So she does know. "It's going to go all right. I'm going to make a small incision with a scalpel, okay Jennie? I'm sure your familiar with this part."

"I'm usually on the other side, though," she says.

"Of course. Here we go."

Jennie looks away, and apart from a little pressure -she thinks she feels some pressure, at least- there's no pain. "All done."

Jennie's oddly not bothered by the sight of her own blood. Strangely all she can think about is how Irene had joked, back when Charlie was a baby, that if they pricked Jennie's boobs they would burst like balloons. Jisoo had wrapped her arm around Jennie's shoulders and told Irene to stop fantasizing about her wife.

"Jennie, I'm going to begin," the doctor lets her know, and picks up the transducer of the ultrasound machine.

Jennie feels unbearably lonely.

She spent the past two days hugging Charlie more often, a way for her to gather strength for today. It's not the test, it's not the pain. She's terrified of what the results might hold.

The doctor presses the tool to her breast with one hand, while the other holds the needle. She can't look away this time.

She sees the long, hollow needle enter her breast through the incision the doctor made, and there's no pain, only the strange experience of being cut and not feel it. The deeper the needle goes the more she begins to feel pressure, until the doctor -guided by the ultrasound- finds what she wants.

It goes fast after that. She sees the needle move quickly -the doctor in Jennie knows it's collecting samples of tissue. It's like an out of body experience, watching that needle. Jennie doesn't know she got her. The doctor finally removes the needle and proceeds to stop the small bleeding.