I didn't know

1

George POV
I woke up to my alarm screaming at me, reminding me that I have to wake up to go to the shit hole the people call school.
After laying in bed and rethinking if it was actually worth it to stand up and go to school I decided to get up to avoid any useless discussion with my teachers or my dad.

You could say I don't have a really good relationship with my father, well actually there is probably no actual bond at all. Ever since my mom died to cancer things changed a lot at home.
After my moms death a few months ago my older sister took her life and now it's only me and my dad.

My dad didn't take it very well that not only his wife but also his daughter are forever gone.
And ever since they're gone he changed a lot. He started drinking. He's not at home very often and if he is, he's only there to hurt me, make a mess out of the house or to tell me over and over again what kind of useless son I am.

It's not a rare thing that he comes home completely drunk in the middle of the night, throws a chair at something and shouts at me the next morning for not having cleaned it yet.

~~

I knew my dad is home right now so I tried to be as quiet as possible, grabbed a dark grey sweater and black sweatpants and went to the bathroom to go take a shower.

I took of my clothes except my boxers and stared at myself in the mirror.
To be honest I actually do that a lot. I mean I know I shouldn't and I don't know why, but I hope that someday I look in the mirror and I'm finally happy with what I see.
Not only with the way I look or weigh but also my arms. My arms are covered in scars which I, in contrast to the uncountable bruises on my body my father gave me, actually did to myself.

I know self harming is not the correct way to deal with your problems and that you should talk to someone, but honestly I don't have someone to talk to.
In school, I avoid every interaction with anybody because I figured being alone is easier. I don't want to go to a therapist.
I just don't like the idea of telling my problems to a stranger so I don't see anything else to deal with my problems.
Ever since my mum and sister died I feel numb. I live life in a bubble. A bubble that protects me from emotions. Connections to anyone. The bubble that protects me from getting hurt but hurts me at the same time.
When looking in the mirror I feel ashamed of myself. I feel like an attention seeker. I wish that I could stop. Undo it. Make the scars gone.
But I can't.

~~

Normal teens with family problems are happy to go to school. You know. Having the chance to avoid any interaction with the family.
I never look forward to school. Not only because I'm failing almost every class but also because my mental health drains me out to a point where I don't have the energy to do a simple homework or to study for a test. But also because of dream and his friend group.

Well his name isn't actually Dream. It's Clay. And Clay is and has basically everything I wanna be and have. Well i guess no one would say no to a life like his.
He has a lot of friends, he's popular, he has an amazing family life, a lot of money, good grades+ tones of girls AND boys drooling over him.
But honestly how can you not. No matter how much i dislike him, he is very handsome.

He is about 6"2, has dirty blonde wavy hair, green eyes, freckles, a gorgeous smile and veiny hands. He's perfect.
And together with his friend group "the Feral boys" consisting of Clay, Nick, Punz, Alex and Karl they are the most popular boys at school.

Anddddd we hate each other.

I actually don't know why they decided to bully me out of all people in school, it's not like I've talked a single proper sentence with one of them or did something to them but they seem to enjoy bullying me.
I wouldn't have a problem with them hating me if only they would stop having the urge to TELL me that they hate me over and over and over again.

I don't like myself either and the things they say to me are often really hurtful.
I don't let them know that though.
I figured that pretending it doesn't bother me is the best method to deal with it.

~~

Anyways
I took of my boxers and got in the shower. After I was finished I put on my clothes and quietly got out of the bathroom. While doing so I tried not to make any unneeded noises. I really didn't want to have an interaction with my father again.

Today it's Monday meaning yesterday was Sunday. Obviously. Well yesterday my father came home, drunk out of his mind and of course I happened to be in the kitchen the exact same time. The second he saw me he got really mad and screamed at me for being a fool and a disappointment for the family and how I should've killed myself and not my sister.

Insults like these are common. That doesn't mean they're less hurtful.

He ended his insults with a hard punch right at my jaw. Same thing here. I am kinda used to his punches by now but a punch in the face one day before school considering it's gonna leave a big bruise is not easy to hide.

I just decided to not even try to hide it and to just keep the hood of my hoodie up whenever there's people around. I don't want to drag any attention to me when I'm in school.

Well luckily I got back into my room quietly. I grabbed my backpack, open my window, hopped out, lit a cigarette and made my way of to school.

1051 Words