let me go//lynn denlon x amanda young

𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙛𝙞𝙫𝙚

amanda's pov

the next morning, i was ready. i needed to find lynn, i just had to.
why? i don't know. i wish i knew. this happens all the time, where i don't have the answers to anything i ask myself. i just tell myself something is right and i don't even know why. it's probably stupid and i'm probably only thinking of myself in this situation but it felt right to find her so that's what i was going with and sticking with.
if i don't find her, oh well, i just run away like john told me.
lynn would probably already be far away by now.
i'm surprised the cops haven't showed up yet, but i'm sure mark took care of that anyways.
this could also ruin everything with me winning against mark.
not to mention, knowing marks going to tell john about everything i did with cecil at the clinic right before he dies frightens me.
he could do anything, god knows he has more power than i do. and i mean that literally.
i mean he's a cop.
he has so much power over both john and i but he never does anything cause he's a pussy and acts scared of john.
but why? i don't know.
i'll probably never find out.
i just knew that it was just gonna be me, i don't want it being both of us.
gosh, and john said flip a coin? such a fucking joke.

but i was more worried about lynn than mark right at the moment.
so i finally got up and looked around for my car keys.
yet they were nowhere to be found.
i looked everywhere.
nothing.
"i know what you're looking for." john said, scaring me from behind.
"what are you talking about?" i said, staring at his grin, "you took my keys?"
"you're done with lynn. we're done with lynn, leave it alone amanda, like i said." john told me.
"how come you think it's so easy to just let go of these things?" i got angry.
"you cant let emotion control you, amanda." john said, "emotion is a weakness, and it's definitely your biggest."
"fuck you. you don't care about my "emotions". everything you do and say is just to mess with me."
"amanda, you've got to let go."
"why do you run over me?!" i yelled.
"amanda—"
"you made me believe there was something wrong with me?!" i continued, "like i had some sort of contagious illness!?"
"there is something wrong with you." john said quietly, with a flat tone, "it's the fact you cant ever open your eyes and see that not everything you do-"
"fuck you. i'm going, with or without my keys." i started to cry. i hated feeling like this. i hated having another human controlling my own emotions and who i was and how i act. i'm not sick or delusional. i know i'm not and i'm so tired of being treated like i'm 10 years old all the time. i can make decisions for myself. i care about john so much that i wish i didn't. there's nothing i can do about any of this. this was it for me. there's no turning back, and i knew that, but there had to be a way to get away from this. i want a life. i want to follow my dreams, but i want to do it alone.
i don't need a bodyguard. i'm so tired of being dehumanized.
"amanda you cant go, it's too far."
"you know, you're actually not as smart as you say you are." i blurted.
"don't say that."
"i can, and i will again if i have to."
"don't forget about what i told you." john mumbled, wheeling away.
forget about what you told me??for fucks sake. i hear that bullshit all the time it seems like.
looks like i'm not going to find lynn.
it is actually very far.
and i would have the energy to walk that far if john hadn't ruined the motivation for me.
"yeah well when i'm gone, don't come running back for me!" i yelled, making sure john could hear me. but he didn't say anything back.
i do hate john for what he did but i still care about him and i know how i'll feel when he passes.
but i have to force myself to hate him somehow.