Nothing to Lose

3

The Roxy

Rafe sniffed the line and wiped his nose with his hand. He had made it a week longer, but finally gave in. He hadn't seen Viviana since asking for her name, and frankly, she was the only thing that distracted him from the cravings that constantly burned within him. His memories of her wore thin as he only saw her three times, and briefly at that. He wasn't exactly disappointed in him falling back. He knew it was going to happen eventually. He just didn't think it'd be so soon.

He was beginning to lose sight of his purpose. They had the gold, but Ward wasn't as focused as he should be about putting it some place safer. The security of this house was just as good as any other they'd had, but that was nothing to the pogues. He had seen them break in to houses, hijack a ship, and even rob him in the Bahamas. He now knew not to underestimate them. Apparently his father wasn't on the same page.

"Rafe", Ward walked in the room. Rafe shuffled his drawer open to shove the coke in and turned to him anxiously.

"Dad", he greeted him with a half smile.

"I was doing some thinking and- and I think I should send you back home to look for your sister."

Rafe's eyes widened. Not only did he have to put up with Ward constantly ignoring him about the gold and undermining his ideas, but he had to listen to Ward whine about Sarah's return. Rafe knew it was just the guilt eating at him, the fact he nearly killed her. He had been there before, too.

"You're joking right?", Rafe asked as he ran his hand over his face in an irritated manner, "You want me to go home?"

"I know- I know it sounds crazy, okay? It's not only that I want her back for this family. It's unsafe with her out there-"

"It'll be unsafe if we bring her back!", Rafe's built up anger was starting to rise to the surface, "John B would be after her like that", he snapped his fingers, "You- You really think she wants to be with us? She'll uproot everything we have-"

"She'll uproot it if we don't get her!", Ward yelled, letting his anger get the best of him as well. He sighed and shook his head, "She knows", he gulped, "She knows that I'm alive, and I- I tried to...", he trailed off, trying not to choke up.

"You tried to kill her Dad", Rafe answered with a blank face, and little sympathy, "You tried to murder your daughter, and now you think she'll willingly come home-"

"Don't", Ward shook his head, "Don't say that. I would've never actually killed my little girl-"

"Yeah, whatever", Rafe scoffed, "But I might've", he shrugged, "I lost control and- and I nearly drowned her", Rafe ran his hands through his hair, "She won't go back with me if I go to get her. She hates me. She wouldn't even stay with me the day after you died."

Rafe gulped and turned from Ward so he wouldn't see his face sadden at the memory. He realized he had fucked up, beyond repair, but he needed his sister then and she left. She left him to grieve alone. He couldn't help but think if they had worked it out then, that everything would be okay now.

"Son", Ward approached him, "It's not your fault. She will come back to you, to us. You just have to go get her-"

"You think I ever want to go back to that place?", Rafe shook his head and felt his mind unravel at the thought, "I- I just wish you'd put me above her sometimes. I'm not sure if I could handle the-"

"YOU ARE GOING AND THAT'S FINAL!", Ward cut him off and his yell echoed through the house. He shook his head and then looked at Rafe intensely as he put his hand on his shoulder, "I did choose you. Why do you think you're here? Now, you need to man up and do the things that I'm no longer able to."