brighter than fireflies. - l.hyuck

sixteen

"what's her name" was the only thing that came out of my mouth. i didn't look at him when he answered. he looked at me & then answered my question, "jeyon" i nodded. there was a little hesitation in his voice, even her name gives off bitch. my head was pounding with anger & thoughts, I didn't know what to do. did I want to yell at him or cry at him?

"why did you still talk to her" so many questions began to fill my mind. i wanted all the information i could get from him, I could tell haechan was nervous too. he always moves his ring around when he is a little uneasy about a topic, or sometimes he will just pause for a second or two. if there was nothing to hide, then he shouldn't be acting like this.

" i wanted to see how she was doing" I rolled my eyes & scoffed quietly, I thought to myself a bit. he was still kind of answering these questions dry, but why though... why would you be concerned about who hurt you. especially when you're in a relationship.

"did you talk to her first"

"mhmm," he said.

"so you still want to talk to her"

"why are you giving me so many questions? listen to yourself, why are you getting mad at me for talking to my ex when you were talking to Doyoung when he played you? you went back to him. why." i didn't understand why i was the main topic now, i had absolutely nothing to do with this situation. he didn't even mention my name when he spoke to me.

i can understand why he would be mad about me going back to someone i knew that hurt me physically, but doyoung was special to me. i knew him before i knew haechan. its hard having attachment issues, especially if you still want to stay with the person who messed you up mentally.

"why am i getting pinned now? first of all, we weren't even together Haechan, so, why are you yelling at me for something that happened when i didn't even know you that well? & two, this isn't even about me?" he puts his hands on his forehead in anger. so now i'm wrong for bringing up something i'm bothered about?

"because you're getting upset at the wrong person, LISTEN to yourself miyeon! he played you, watched people beat you, & you STILL went back out with him. he only liked you because you met his standards, scoff. you have to be such a dumb ass to go out with someone who didn't even like you in the first place. what's wrong with you? did you not realize he didn't love you in the first place!?" he let his anger take control of him. he didn't realize how harsh his words were, my eyes were blurry with tears.

"seriously?" i grabbed everything that i owned in the room & walked out. he only liked you because you met his standards, at this point, I didn't know if haechan was saying that to get back at me or if he was telling the truth.

"wait, Miyeon." he chased after me & grabbed my arm, i pushed him off running outside then got inside my car & drove away. it was still raining, he was calling me repeatedly & wouldn't stop texting me. i was letting everything out, my anger, my sadness, & everything that went through my mind.

i reached home & checked the time. it was midnight. i unlocked the door & assumed my aunt was asleep, i looked up with my head pounding, I really needed to stop thinking about it, then I found the perfect solution. to brighten up my night i called the person who can always make me laugh. Johnny Suh. "hey what are you doing," he said, i chuckled.

_____

i woke up from Johnny snoring. it was 11 AM, & i checked my phone. there were 30 missed calls from Haechan last night & 40 messages. I read them all, they were all the same messages.
miyeon, I'm sorry please text me back.

33 MORE MESSAGES, SCROLL TO SEE MORE.

please call me, we need to talk.
I'm so so sorry.
Miyeon!
call me back... Please!
I need to hear your voice
miyeon
I'm sorry!

I had the urge to call him back even though I knew I shouldn't, but I want to hear his voice. we'd never had a serious argument before, I didn't know how to act. I wanted to apologize so badly, but I didn't do anything wrong. It was all his fault, it's only been 16 hours & I miss him like crazy, I ended up giving up & rang his phone.

" Miyeon? "

mmm

" please talk to me, listen to me. "

i'm listening

" i'm sorry okay? i didn't mean to say that. my frustration took over. please, i'm sorry. i am. you don't understand how messed up i felt after you left. i was mad at myself, please come back to me. i don't want you to leave me. "

i didn't know what else to say after that, i sighed & hung up the phone. tears were on the edge of my mind, I knew I shouldn't cry because I knew better. they caved in & I took a deep breath. I figured I need a break so i called Jiu & chaewon to meet me at the Cafe, I couldn't possibly tell them, I didn't want to. even though I hated haechan at the moment, I couldn't let my friends hate him too.