My Monarchy~YR

Chapter 1

Christmas Day.
The time of the year that's considered the happiest. And yet, Prince Wilhelm can't seem to force a smile on his face. In a few minutes the whole royal family would be downstairs, including his mother, who he managed to avoid the whole Christmas break. But one person would be missing. The person Wilhelm needed now more than ever, and who he knew wouldn't be there: His brother Erik. He would have done anything possible in this world to save him, and for Erik to be with him right now. But unfortunately, there wasn't anything possible to do that in this world at all.
He took a deep breath, trying to keep his anxiety down before he'd have to face whatever was waiting for him downstairs.
He started massaging his chest, a method he learned over time to help with his anxiety.
Just that today nothing seemed to help.
"Fuck fuck fuck", he whispered, walking up and down his room, brushing his fingers through his hair and afterwards wiping the sweat from his forehead.
"Okay Wille, you can do this. Come on. Just walk out this door", he tried, talking to himself.
A quick look in the mirror, Wilhelm fixed his hair, plucked around on his outfit, and put his hand on the doorknob.
Taking a deep breath, he pushed the door open, facing his mother, who, standing in the floor, obviously had been about to knock.
"I'm coming mother, no need to look for me", Wilhelm said without even looking at her and walked past his mother and down the stairs.
Once he entered the big living room of the royal castle, he wished he'd stayed upstairs a little longer, even if that meant having to face his mother.
Looking her in the face, the only thing he felt was pain and betrayal.
But standing here, all his relatives around him, he suddenly felt so small, and when he thought he couldn't feel more miserable, his mother approached behind him, putting a hand on his back and pushing him further into the room.
"Don't be shy Wilhelm, go on and talk to some of the people", she smiled. She really was smiling, as always, trying to keep the family's image up.
Wilhelm couldn't help but shake his head slightly, earning a gaze from his mother that clearly didn't plan on leaving him a choice.
You did this all your life Wille, just one more time, one last time..
He tried encouraging himself once again, but yet he knew this wouldn't be the last time he'd have to face all this. It wouldn't be the last time he'd have to feel so small, so miserable, in the middle of his own people. Or in the middle of who where supposed to be his people. He hadn't felt more distant to anyone im his entire life.
This wouldn't be the last anxiety attack he'd get. Not the last one for today, not for this vacation, not for forever.
But he'd have to believe it would be, for today. Just for now.
Play the perfect son, the perfect crown prince
That was his role for today, and he'd play it. Play it as if nothing had happened. As if the last school year hadn't changed his life. As if he hadn't just gained everything he could have wished for, and lost it in the blink of an eye.
No, today was not the time for this.
He'd been walking around the room for about 40 minutes now.
Just keep going. Keep breathing.
It had been going well, or as well as you could imagine it going after what was going on inside Wilhelm's mind.
But turning every corner, finishing every conversation, as soon as Wilhelm was about to move, he couldn't help but look around, hoping that he wouldn't see that one face that had ruined everything for him. If his cousin was here; if he tried to talk to him; he knew he wouldn't make it through this evening.
Dinner was about to be served. Wilhelm would take a seat next to his mother at the head of the table, which is what he just did.
"We've all come together to celebrate the biggest feast of the year, as a family, as a union", his mother began, "now, to open this celebration, I would like for someone to say something. To say something to the crown prince, to the, soon to be, head of this family. August, you may speak, as you're the closest my son has left to a brother. Go on, my dear"
August. Exactly the name Wilhelm hadn't wanted to hear today. He felt his throat tighten. He could barely breathe.
"I will go get some air", he said quietly, and stood up to leave, when his mother, still smiling at August, who had just gotten up from his seat, put her hand on his shoulder.
"Sit, Wilhelm. You will sit and listen to what he has to say. This is the feast of togetherness, and you will not now leave the table.", she hissed harshly, still trying to keep up her smile.
Breathe. Don't panic.
Wille sat back down, focusing his gaze down on his plate, so that he wouldn't have to face his cousin, who had just begun speaking, smiling bright:
"This last year, we've suffered a big loss. My cousin, and the crown prince's brother, even though he was like a brother to me as well, Erik, passed away. Many  unlucky decisions and events followed this loss, which damaged our image..."
Just when he thought he couldn't feel more uncomfortable, the mention of his brother made Wilhelms throat tighten even more. He could barely keep his breath steady, and let one keep his focus on the speech, so that he only heard the last sentence, which sent him over the edge:
"So for today's occasion, I would like to say that for our future, we may learn from this.. mistakes.. and not repeat anything similar. Thank you"
Saying this, August winked at Wille.
"I won't stay here any longer, mother" he said,  almost spitting the last word in her face, before he got up, struggling to walk, and nearly ran out of the room.
Tumbling out of the castle, Wilhelm started shaking, brushing through his hair again, a habit he had whenever he felt anxious, he loosened his tie from his neck, hoping to be able to breathe better, which, of course, didn't happen to help at all.
So he kept walking, not even knowing where he went, until he found himself in Bjärstad, at the front door of a little house, which happened to be not just any house, but his house.
Leaning on the wall, he slid down to the ground, burying his head in his hands.
„It's Christmas, Wilhelm, you can't ruin this for him too. You have to go. You ruined his life, let him be happy today", he spoke to himself, still not being able to get himself to leave.
His breathes became faster. His view blurrier.
„I ruined everyone's life, I ruined everything, I ruined-„
„Wilhelm?!"
A girls voice broke through the night.
He hadn't even noticed the car which had gotten closer to the house, not yet the steps of a person walking towards the front door. Towards him, towards Wilhelm, who wasn't even supposed to be here.
Now, that he had been seen by Sara, he still couldn't manage to lift his gaze, lift his head, which he was still holding in his hands.
By now, he was shaking uncontrollably.
„Wilhelm I asked you something! Simon better not see you here! You. Have. To. Leave", the girl moved closer to him, but Wille could barely focus.
The front door opened, and out came, dressed in a red Christmas sweater, Simon himself.
„Sara! Why are you shouting?! It's 11pm, why have you and mom been taking so long?"
Just as he finished his questions, he noticed the weird atmosphere. Sara had still been staining infront of Wilhelm, who still sat on the ground, leaning on the wall, trying to keep himself calm, to mention, without success.
Simons gaze now rested on Wilhelm.
„Wille..?!"
Hearing his voice, feeling his presence, Wilhelm managed to look up.
He must have looked miserable. His forehead covered in sweat, his hands shaking, leaning on his ex's housewall.
Simon now, noticing Wilhelm, fell down on his knees besides him.
„Go inside Sara. And take mom with you, I'll take care of this"
„Are you-"
„I said go!" Simon got louder, causing his sister to frown.
„Please Sara"
His sister nodded, closing the door behind her.
By this time Wilhelm had leaned his head on the wall, staring at Simon, who turned back to him now.
„What on earth are you doing here Wille?!", he shouted, instantly regretting it when seeing the pain in Wilhelms eyes.
„I'm sorry... Simon I'm sorry... I shouldn't have come here... I... I don't know... I don't know why I did... I'll leave just... just..", the prince tried, still not able to control his breath.
Looking at the boy who'd meant everything in this world to him, sitting so miserable in his front yard, he couldn't take it anymore.
Simon grabbed Wilhelm by his shoulders, pulling him into a hug which caused Wille to sob into his shoulder.
„It's okay.. it's okay", Simon whispered.
„Nothing is okay", the boy sobbed.
Trying to control his breaths, Wilhelm held harder onto the boy who's now holding him.
The boy he had taken everything from, that same boy who he'd hurt over and over again.
Yet, here he was, holding him in his arms, forgetting about everything he put him through.
Simon's hand wandered into Wilhelms hair, pulling him further into his chest.
None of them could tell how long they've been sitting there like this when they pulled away.
Wille couldn't help but stare into Simons eyes, eyes filled with worry and love now, not with hurt, as the last time he'd seen him.
Oh how he'd missed this eyes.
„I'm sorry", Wilhelm whispered, „I didn't.. I didn't come here on purpose", he tried to explain himself, loosing control of his breathes again.
„Shh shh it's okay", Simon reached to wipe a tear that had fallen from the boy's eyes.
Wilhelm shook his head: „Nothing is"
Simon now pulled him closer again, Wille resting his head on his shoulder.
„Where did you even come from?", he asked the prince.
„From my family's Christmas party"
„So you ran away"
„You could say that"
Simon chuckled, causing Wilhelm to laugh.
„You..", the Prince started.
„I..?"
„You were all I had left", Wilhelm whispered, „my whole family turned on me. I can't take it anymore Simon", he looked into the boy's eyes now, „I meant what I said that day. I love you."
Simon sighed. Looked away. Looked back at Wille.
„I won't deny that I love you, Wille. But-"
„You don't want to be anyone's secret. I know."
Wilhelm brushed through his hair once again, looking away.
Simon's arm was still resting around him, stroking his shoulder slowly.
„I don't want you to be a secret either", the prince turned back to look at the boy, „I don't want us to be a secret, Simon"
„What are you saying", Simon said, not breaking the eye contact.
Wille sighed.
„I'm saying that.. that I won't hide anymore, Simon. I don't want to hide myself any longer. And I don't want to hide the reason I was happy. The reason I could be happy again. I won't pull any big stunt Simon, I can't do that. But..", by now he had gotten louder.
Wilhelm reached for a curl that's been hanging in Simons face, pulling it around his finger and brushing it behind the boy's ear.
„But I don't care who sees us anymore"
„Do you mean.. does that mean that we can be together... publicly?"
Their lips were close enough to kiss by now.
„If you still want me", Wilhelm whispered, looking up from Simon's lips to his eyes and back.
None of them were able to hold back anymore, so Simon leaned in, kissing Wilhelm with more love and affection that the prince has ever felt. A passionate, longing, kiss.
When they pulled away, he looked back into the princes eyes, which were glowing now, tears glistening in them, and said:
„Do you take that for an answer?"
. . .