You Were The Source Of My Happiness

May 29th

              It was the morning of May 29th and I was on my way to school with a bright smile because I knew that J.B didnt hate me at all. Nothing could ever ruin my mood this morning.
               As I entered the school doors I saw him and I smiled at him and he smiled back. HE still seemed as if he never lost feelings for me and that made me feel secure. Again I didnt start talking to someone else or start liking other guys. He was the only one on my mind and he was the one I was planning to stay with and be with forever to the end. But during the day again his promises were not kept. He said that he would try to talk to me once in a while but that once in a while turned out to be just a simple "Hi". But I saw him start to talk to Sarah more than me. Not that I was jealous or anything but it was a little weird to me.
              When I saw him with Sarah walking in the hallways together I suddenly started to question everything. He was avoiding me in every single way. Not just by not accepting my hugs but also by just not making eye contact with me or even trying to talk to me. It sort of broke my heart into small pieces but not entirely. Because of that it didnt let it bother me. I just walked in the direction that they were walking in and kept on going, not looking back. The minute I got in my classroom I got a message from Sarah asking if I was Ok and I responded that I really wasn't because I felt as if he really didnt want me anymore even though he promised to still be by my side. She would always tell me "Don't worry he probably still has feelings for just waiting for him. Give him some time to heal from the pain that he has been going through." but this time the message that I got was "Im sorry but he probably does not have any feeling for you anymore." When I read that I started crying in the middle of the class. I could not believe that my own friend would tell me to give him up and lose all hope. Those words made me worry about her and J.B so I texted Michael. I asked Michael if Sarah and J.B are a thing again to which he responded "Yes and we all just found out. They have been dating for almost three days'' He informed me that everyone found out just right then and there. No one, absolutely no one saw this coming. According to him, they all felt betrayed and lied to because again they didnt find out until that time. When I read that my heart sank to the floor and I started sobbing uncontrollably. How could I be betrayed this way? I didnt want it to be true. I wished that it was all a lie. I was in the rain, hopeless, betrayed, depressed, and lonely. I knew that I would have to talk to him which I did after school. When we met I couldn't even tell him hi the only thing I said was "Why?" "What do you mean by why?" "You know what I mean by why? Why did you lie to me? After all that we went through together? If you wanted to move on you could have just said that to me?" I was crying while all of those words escaped my mouth "I'm sorry Alex, I don't know what to say" he calmly said. "So all of the things we did were meaningless I assume. Every single time you saw me it meant nothing to you? Why would you do this to me? I love you, I really do. Why do you choose to leave me like this? You told me to keep a promise which was to not look for other people, do YOU remember that promise?! Look I understand that you are in a situation right now but you said that we would be back together after it all calmed down, did it all calm down in just one week!? Was it all just a way to break up with me without getting my feelings hurt?All broken promises!! Why did you decide to put me through this?!" I was so furious that I was crying and screaming at him by now. The only things that he could say were "I'm sorry but you have to move on '' I immediately lashed out saying "MOVE ON?! You were the source of my happiness. Day and night I would think about our future. And this is how it all ends now? What happened to 'I will never break your heart'? That was also a lie. All of the memories that we hold. Are you really going to throw that all away for someone that doesn't love you the way that I do? I trusted you with my heart and you took care of it for only 30 days? Was that all you could take of me? I opened up to you. I gave you my all because I felt that you really did love me but now I guess those were empty words. Nothing could describe the way that you made me feel everytime that we would meet. The world was never this bright until you came. You are very cruel. I hope that you remember all of the times where you said that I was better than any of you ex'es. I hope you come to your senses one day and realize that there is no one that will treat you the way that I treated you. Please don't forget about who I am and what I did for you. It was only almost 2 months, and weren't we going to last forever?  Every kiss, every hug, every smile, every little time where we laughed, every single time that we were together were you just faking it? I could go on days and days asking you if moments ever meant something to you. I love you and I still do but now I don't know what to do." I curled down into a ball on the sidewalk while it was raining hard. The rain drenched me. My hair was soaking wet, so was my outfit and backpack. The last words from him were "Just move on and forget about me." When he said those words I just stared at the floor without saying anything. How could I forget about all of those moments we shared together. How do i throw them all in the trash as if they were meaningless. Times I would never get back ever again. His love was the only thing that kept me going. Moving on is something that I couldn't do at that moment. He left me all by myself on the sidewalk crying helplessly to the point where I didnt want to live anymore. I was being used. Or at least I felt like I was being used. Then I got the courage to get up and start heading home. Thankfully my parents weren't there so they wouldn't be able to see me in this condition. When I got home I told Ariel everything that went on. "A-ariel?" I stutter while on the face time, "Yes lex lex?" she asked, very worried. "We are done. Like me and him are never going to get back together.'' I tried to say while trying not to cry. "What?! Tell me everything! Right now! Ugh this man I knew that he wasn't good." she told me. Then I went on and told her the whole story until it was night time and she went to sleep early because she had to go to the dentist early in the morning to get a cleaning. It saddened me on how he lied straight to my face. No one saw this coming, not even Noah. Everyone thought that both of us would end up together. But as we all can see, it didnt happen. So just like that, two of my favorite people exited my life as if they never existed.