There is still time

Everything is going black all you hear is a loud ringing u feel like you're going to puke but nothing comes out not even air. As you step outside gasping for air you can't see anything, you crouch on the floor counting random numbers trying to place your mind on something else. Your senses come back yet you're smiling? Why is that? Did you enjoy it? Did you fear it? Or perhaps you wish for it to happen again. Some people think that because you're smiling and having "fun" that you act out like this for attention and call you selfish and a liar. Yet you don't know how to explain it to them. They won't listen, they don't care if you lied or not. But you can't help but feel hurt but shrug it off as a whatever. You are surrounded by friends and family yet you still feel lonely? You don't have things most people do yet you don't  complain? You have friends that don't care how you're doing but still help them with their issues? Why? Is it because you're too worried about others or is it because if you feel bad about them it'll make your life less sad? You think if you get good grades your mother will start to acknowledge you? That your brothers and sisters will start to like you? That your aunts and uncles will stop calling you those hurtful words that you smile off? That if you find love they will give some love back? That if you care for an animal they'll appreciate you for saving them? I don't understand....Why are you smiling, laughing,helping all those monsters that take but never give? 'Because there is still time'? You know no matter what you do you'll still feel the pressure of going under water, the feeling of being hot and cold at the same time. You are truly a beautiful being. You see so much good in such ugly monsters. You bleed for those who ignore you, cry for those who won't hear you, I only wish that time will be kind to you. Yes, there is still plenty of time left. Leave the monster's den when ready to make real friends that will bleed with you. Find a lover that will accept you not by looks but heart.Find an animal that will risk it as much as you. Create a family that will only show love. Or go off alone and find yourself. Come to understand that love is everywhere and that you deserve it. After all there is still time left.