Clexa One Shots (Discontinued)

It started with a kiss part 2

"Commander, please," the man begged, pushed up against a rock with Lexa's sword at his throat. "I come to offer you a deal." Lexa's eyed widened, curiously.

"Speak!" She demanded, pushing her sword in slightly so as to apply an uncomfortable pressure.

"We will release your people," he began. "And in exchange, all Outsiders must stay away from the Mountain. No further danger will come to them." Lexa lowered her sword slightly, intrigued by this.

"And Clarke's people?" she asked, though she knew she should not have. It was not truly of her concern. And they were not Clarke's people, though that is how she saw them, and, probably, why she had this sudden desire to protect them as well. As if in this way, she were protecting Clarke too. "What of the Sky People?" The man refused to answer and Lexa understood what the silence meant.

Lexa's heart ached in her chest, weighed down by the guilt she already knew she would have to endure. Swallowing hard, she lowered her sword entirely, a wetness growing in her eyes. She needed to protect her people – not those of the sky. Not those of Clarke. Clarke. Lexa breathed in deeply, a knot growing in her stomach. "And if I do not accept?" She asked, searching for hope, where there wasn't any.

"Come on, Commander," the man mocked. "It is simple. Your people will die at the hands of mine. With the Ark people's bone marrow, we have no more use for you Outsiders. Take them with you now or watch as we dispose of them." Lexa nodded, showing she understood.

"Tell your leader we have a deal." Lexa fought to so her voice would not crack, for although she felt grateful for this sudden opportunity to negotiate the salvation of her people, she could help but think of Clarke.

"May we meet again," Lexa spoke, knowing how the phrase would resonate in Clarke. Knowing what it meant to her. Hoping it could help, somehow, to ease the pain. It didn't, though, and Clarke stood shattered, broken-hearted, and betrayed as she watched the commander walk away from her.

That night she went to bed with her hands metaphorically stained red with blood of the innocent - blood too deep to wash off. It was now part of her skin. She understood Lexa's actions, for she had done the same; she sacrificed innocent lives to protect her people. She understood it perfectly, but the pain still did not cease.

She did not sleep that night, but merely rested upon a tree, tears streaming down her face, cleaning off the dirt from it. Lexa did not sleep either, for while her people rejoiced in celebration, she sneaked out and walked through the woods, looking up at the starry night sky. She ached, though she should have been full of relief and tasting the pleasure of victory. She ached. But, somehow, looking at the stars – at Clarke's home – she found a slimmer of hope.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Bellamy barked at Lexa as she strolled gracefully into Camp Jaha, Indra at her side. Although Lexa would have preferred to come alone, she knew that the Sky People would receive her as an enemy rather than a friend, so she accepted Indra's offer to accompany her commander. She was, as expected, immediately received by vulgarities and curses, though no one dared come close.

"I am here to speak with Clarke," Lexa boomed, her voice carrying swiftly throughout the camp.

"She's not here," Bellamy snapped back. "Because of you."

"Did..." Lexa's voice got caught in her throat and a sudden wave of unbearable weakness washed over her. "Is she..." She swallowed hard and her breath grew sharp. Death is not the end. She heard her words echo in her head. The words she had told Clarke in Pauna's cage in an effort to soothe her fear. But now those words seemed like just words, and they brought no soothing to Lexa whatsoever.

"I think you should leave," Bellamy spoke before Lexa could properly construct her question. She could see the pain in her eyes, and though he did not know how real or feigned it was, he felt that she deserved it. She deserved to ache for what she had put his people through; for what he had put Clarke through. Indra walked forward, attempting to defend her commander from this lack of respect on the Blake boy's part, but Lexa lifted her hand and nodded.

"We shall leave you to grieve," she spoke quietly, slowly walking away and out of Camp Jaha.

A few miles in the forest, Lexa stopped and turned to Indra, who had been respectfully silent the whole way back. "Indra."

"Yes, Heda."

"I must be alone." Her eyes began to water once more.

"I do not think it wise..." Indra began, but stopped when her eyes met with the commander's. They were tired, weak, devastated. "You may find me at camp." Lexa nodded.

As soon as Indra was out of sight, and hopefully, out of earshot, Lexa broke down. She fell to her knees, sobs escaping her throat, as she shook almost violently. She buried her hands in the dirt in front of her, as if hoping to grasp on to the earth. She bowed her head down to meet her hands, and sobbed into them, staining her face brown.

Lexa felt everything – grief and guilt and loss and heartbreak. But most of all, she felt anger; rage. She had sworn to herself that after Costia, she would not feel this way again. And yet, here she was, bursting with weakness, falling apart. For whom? For Clarke? She had known Costia for much, much longer, and yet it felt worse now. Somehow. Perhaps because with Costia she had been too young, too curious about love, so enamored with it all that she misread affection for something more. Still, she had shielded herself from this for years. She had pushed everyone away, every girl and every woman. But not Clarke. Somehow, not Clarke.

Clarke did not know where to go, so she wandered aimlessly. When she heard sobs coming from nearby, however, something in her begged her to follow the sound. Perhaps someone was injured; perhaps she could help. She needed to feel useful, if only to not feel everything else that raged inside her.

She stepped forward, through some trees, and found the figure of a grounder kneeling on the floor, crying into her hands. Tilting her head curiously, she approached slowly and with caution. She stepped and snapped a twig, to which the grounder immediately sprung up and swung a sword out, leaving it inches from Clarke's chest. She was startled by the sudden movement and almost fell backwards, but that was nothing compared to the extreme tightening in her chest as she met the gaze of a tearful Commander Lexa.