Clexa One Shots (Discontinued)

It started with a kiss part 5

Lexa's lips still tingled from the lingering feel of Clarke's soft skin, as she stood achingly, watching the blonde rush out of the dining room. She did not understand how, though they had just been together seconds ago, Lexa already missed her. Sighing deeply, her mind made up of knots she could not undo, she followed a few steps behind, like the sad, lonely puppy that she felt she became around Clarke. It had occurred to her that, though she had been half joking with Clarke about re-introducing themselves – the two could really and truly start over. If they could only let go of Mount Weather – something Lexa knew Clarke ached to do as well, considering how she'd heard that the Mountain had not just been defeated but had been completely crumbled by hands born in space. Lexa knew Clarke well enough to see that the guilt in her eyes was slowly consuming her. If Lexa could only take that away for her, she would. A new beginning and a second chance, then, sounded like the perfect plan to Lexa at the time, so she set out of the dining hall on a quest to find Clarke.

It was dark and only guards on duty had not yet gone to into their tents to sleep, so it seemed odd to Lexa when she saw the young healer, Amara stepping towards the woods. Lexa thought back to the burning sensation in her stomach, the anger that built up in her chest when Amara had complimented Clarke only a few minutes prior. As she followed the girl with her eyes, the feeling came back. She was walking towards Clarke, who stood leaning against a tree. Lexa could not make out if they were speaking, for they were too far away from her, but knowing Amara's perky and sociable nature, she assumed that they were.

The moment Clarke spun around, nearly desperate, pouncing on Amara and locking lips, the feeling in Lexa's chest became frenzied, causing her insides to catch on fire – or at least, that's what it felt like. It felt like burning, melting, agonizing fire in the pit of Lexa's stomach. It felt like hands made up of flames had a grip on Lexa's heart and were clutching it torturously. She breathed hard, eyes in a furious stare, as she watched the woman she loved – yes, she concluded in this instant of fiery rage, she must love her – giving love to another. Without waiting for their lips to depart, Lexa turned away, unwilling (or maybe unable) to witness the kiss much longer. She walked silently to her tent, lips pressed together tightly, and eyes glistening with heartbreak.

Clarke hurried back to her room, bowing her head, ashamed at how blood red her face must have turned. As she lay in bed, she buried her face in the feathered pillow, breathing in the scent of dirt and wood and fire. Her chest ached in powerlessness, in shame, in guilt.

"I'm sorry," she had muttered to Amara as their lips departed.

"You didn't seem too sorry," the Grounder had flirted back and leaned in once more. Clarke had stood frozen in place, unable to respond or retreat or attack or whatever it was that she had had to do. So she had allowed herself to be kissed – and with every kiss she felt her insides whither. The taste of someone new felt almost bitter in her mouth and the feel of someone else's hands felt almost painful on her skin.

She had meant to kiss Lexa – beautiful, powerful, dangerous Lexa. She had meant to take her, and ravage her, and love her – finally, love her. The word rung in Clarke's head. She had to love her, right? The guilt that weighed on her now, the near repulsiveness she had felt with Amara, the never-ending pull she felt whenever Lexa was near had to be proof enough.

"Shit," Clarke found herself muttering before rolling off her bed and nearly running out of her tent and towards Lexa's. "Shit, shit, shit..." she repeated under her breath, her heart becoming lighter with every step, butterflies bursting from the cocoons that lined her stomach as she came closer, and a smile fighting to take over her lips as she spotted her destination. "Shit," she said one last time, louder than she had meant to, as she saw Amara come out of Lexa's tent.