So I guess this is a book

Chapter 1 (again)

So yeah, I'm bi. I suppose I always have been (I suspect I used to have a crush on both Sportacus and Stephanie from LazyTown), but I didn't come to terms with it completely until I hit puberty. And I'd be lying if I said I've never heard anyone tell me I'm just confused, but I gotta admit that everyone in my life has been awfully supportive and great about it. I've been pretty lucky. 

My first real crush was a girl called Mia. She was way older than me, and she pretty much saw me as her pet. To me, she was everything I could ever dream of. Then Mia graduated. And I met her brother. 

The rationalization that I made of what I was feeling was that I was projecting Mia onto him because I saw some undeniable attributes they shared, and I just missed her so much. That's pretty deep for a ten-year-old, huh? But it was still delegitimizing my attraction for him. That's internalized homophobia. Better watch out. He also graduated and I have no idea what happened to them since.

After that, all of my very very few romantic interactions —my first kiss playing spin the bottle, my second kiss at a party, and pretty much nothing else— were with girls. But what finally led me to come out as bi was… well, it was pretty embarrassing.

One summer, I went to the beach with my family and I made this friend who was in a play, and I used to always run lines with him. And one day he needed to do a kiss scene, and he was pretty insecure about it, so he kissed me without giving me any kind of previous notice, which was kinda weird of him, and borderline not okay… But I liked it. 

Have I mentioned that I have a great relationship with my mom? I told her everything that same day. And she was super supportive about it. It didn't take too much time for me to just come out to everyone I knew.

Afterwards, I've continued to live my life as a bisexual disaster, and now I happen to be in love with two beautiful, awesome, different people. Wow, love. That's a strong word. I guess it applies.

I'm not worried about picking. It's not like either of them are interested in me. I guess we should say they're both out of my league. I just limit myself to watching them longingly pretending that they don't notice; and maybe engaging in some insignificant conversation that will give me all the strength I need for the day. I'm pathetic, I know. Piss off. Can we change the subject?